Ngau Tau Kok A to B

Hares - Bobbled*ck and Undies

The events, characters and illegal activities described in this report are entirely ficticious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or misdemeanours, is purely coincidental and a total pack of lies.

Well reluctantly we should start at the relatively boring beginning rather than the juicy end section where this week’s hares…… no let’s not spoil it. Most hashers only read the reports to see how many times they are mentioned but quoting real hash names maybe deemed a libellous act so in this report there will be a scarcity of reference to the named offenders – talking of which – no, more of that later.

I turned up as usual with a few minutes to spare having followed very clear markings from the MTR station. Given that it was a Bobbleduck run and an A to B I wrongly assumed it would be on the quieter side and at first I thought I was in the wrong place as there was a fairly large crowd of mainly tall men squeezed into a small park, several doing stretching and warm up exercises, others bearing their hairless chests.

The briefing commenced and was relatively straightforward, open checks, Rambos 1 & 2 and a Wimps trail. What could possibly go wrong until Bible Duck referred to a mystery co-hare using different markings in an alternative colour, going backwards round the trail and… So we had the Dream Team of Bob-Le-Duck and his unknown mystery hare who everyone knew was Indybum.

Off went the pack threading it’s way through the traffic, up through several very salubrious local housing estates with their ground level state of the art facilities, low level washing lines and several interesting eating parlours, past a bus station or two or three before an underpass below Chun Wah Road. From there is was up one of the first of many sets of steps which served me well as I was able to catch up with the Division 2 FRB’s (Likes Italian Transvestites, Helpless, Pile Driver, Throw Away Her Bits, Not His Vibrator, Squash Tap, Came Disillusioned and someone who dared to run in Green Team T-shirt. Up to the Olympic Sports track on top of Kwun Tong High Level Reservoir where I was the only one gullible enough to go the long way round following marking when the trail dived off at the end of the straight. If memory serves me correctly we did a small section of downhill shaggy and more steps uphill before hitting the first W/R1 split after crossing the Former Jordan Valley Reservoir Main Dam.

F’knows where the W went but the R1 descended into rotten vegetation, sewage, broken glass, some ankle twisting rocks and probably a few body parts from the remains of local gang mah-jong competitions. I’m not surprised Go n Vomit (Tough Lover) frequently gets lost as ever time I caught her up she would miss the next marking and head off the wrong way. She did say at B - which was serving warm drinks as there was no ice but I don’t want to spoil the story yet – that she was having hallucinations after drinking too much water on the run and was so full that she needed to go home! The best ones are the ones you don’t make up.

After several more flights of stairs and then the R2 which as Helpless announced was just going to be a stupid descent down more stairs and then back up the equivalent set about 100m further along – and of course he was as always right, well almost, except on this hash where he initially said we would be going to HK Uni.

Finally arriving at a hairpin bend on Clearwater Bay Road and turning left downhill towards Choi Hung – so that’s where B might B – I caught up the Division 2 FRB’s again running around in every direction chanting death songs to the co-hare that was using the peach coloured chalk. The confusion occurred because there was, reportedly, a previous Wimps trail that had nothing to do with our two hares who were, I assumed, relaxing back at B lording it up with cold beers waiting on our return. Several W arrows were crossed out however just as many were not. After several fruitless attempts to try and work out what was going on Priceless Duck Sucker raced past down the hill never to be heard again. As is the case these days his mate Sex Toy Got Stuck followed and gallantly shouted OnOn which drew the disparate group together for the charge home via a couple more local authority housing estates and a descent towards Choi Hung MTR.

At this point I was still with hallucinating Getting Even More Ready to Vomit and low and behold we came across Bobbleduck sitting on some refuse having a chat with the local cops who I assumed were old mates of his. When he tried to leap to his feet to redirect us along the disguising filthy refuse back passage he was manhandled back down and at this point I realised all wasn’t in order. Maybe he was being reprimanded for using flour or anthrax in public places to mark the trail – and yes the obvious question why use flour, which will always get a bad reaction, rather than chalk in public areas.

On the way to the little park at B we passed several others running in reverse including Helpfull all muttering something about being arrested and ice. At the park the conspiracy theories were flowing and while Bobbleduck was the one being questioned the real culprit was Indy 500 who had reportedly raced away leaving the ice for Bobbleduck to pick up while she went back to B to put her make up on ready for the Silent Muff Division 1 FRBs to arrive. Apparently they got back in 1 hour 5 mins which Indyrearend says (as opposed to WH3’s In D’Rear) proved that the trail was well marked as opposed to them simply blasting through the confusing W markings near On Home.

Sex Toy Overused went to help sort out Bobbleduck’s impending life sentence and when she arrived the Police who had previously asked the tallest hasher in HK to sit down so as not to intimidate them asked Stucky to stand up so they could see who they were talking to. Little Intent Tohelp also went along so that the Police had someone who they could communicate with and translate for Bobbleduck and Stucky to agree the bail money. Helpfull meanwhile went back to the front door to the ice establishment and in broad darkness took one of the bags back to the park, thereby putting everything on ice.

Back at the B park and after every conspiracy theories had been aired, most of the returned hashers focussed on getting all dolled up for the OnOn party bash, not caring two hoots whether Bob Le Goose was ever allowed out to set more hashes. Indyrecords rushed in and spilt the beans, but garbage in garbage out so no one was any the wiser. However it appears that Irrestible had reportedly paid for the ice with her Bitcoin account and of course had no proof of purchase. Bobbleduck who had gone to pick up these huge bags of ice, enough for LSW for the rest of the year, was accused, by the Refuse Collectors, whose back yard the hash had turned through on the way home, of stealing their property. Babbledock’s response was to throw all the remaining flour in their faces in an attempt to blind them. This didn’t go down too well so they phoned up their mates in the white flour covered Kow Klix Klean to call the local cops who have nothing better to do than pick on a young age pensioner just taking what was his (well Undie’s) property.

Bibbledeck finally arrived with a ball and chain in his hand grinning from ear to ear as he had managed, with the assistance of a bribe from Stucktoher Socks Toy, to have his death sentence first reduced to Life and then further reduced to a suspended sentence for the rest of his hashing career in return for providing Indyalmostgotawaywithit’s home address so they could follow up and arrest the real culprit at some arbitrary point in the future – possibly after her next car mating encounter.

So Bonnie and Clyde survived to set another hash unlike their real life role models who had a slightly less comfortable ending. Some may wish – no that’s not fair…. After lots more stories of daring raids on the ice parlour (probably a knocking shop inside- hence the real problem) we all headed past the local gangland restaurants where we were welcomed with warming glances as we carefully tried to avoid any further violence. A good turnout at the OnOn but as frequently happens a few too many people round each table fairly share the 4 person portions where any delay in rushing for the newly arrived dish ends up in an empty bowl within seconds – some people are just down right greedy.

Helpfull decided that it might be safer to do the Down Downs back at the park well away from the local inhabitants whose quiet, peaceful, relaxed community had been previously been shattered by the onset of a mad ice thieving ex-con out on remission.

Interesting evening but that’s what makes legends.

Hash report by Rabbit Burns (aka Totally Distraught) with assistance on the intimate details of the arrest and release from J.K. Refuse (aka Lakes in Transylvania).

Down Downs by Octopussy

The hares – Bobbledick & Indy

Wimps arrow in wrong direction – the hares

All (double) Rambos in

Wimps? Octopussy and all the Dutch visitors

Hares misinformation at lunchtime

Malcolm - dd Bob “no idea on Wimps length”

Virgins the 3 Dutch visitors

Returnees – Deep Sh*t & The Bastard

Thermal - fast walking Wimp

Ice situation - the hares

Flour throwing - Bobbledick

Anyone with a Criminal record? Oh, yes - Indy!

CUTR - racing

Hopeless – for taking LSWH3 to the Triad center of HK

Hopeless to Malcolm & Theresa – for finally making it to B

CUTR hash cash paid yet? Of course not…..

Small steps – anyone with small feet on Rambos? Jonathan

Only comes for Deep Sh*t – The Bastard!

Lost property – arm sleeve - Marcel

Indy Circle

Rambo quickly in CUTR & Po

Malcolm trail copying

Octopussy to Malcolm “I don’t do A to B’s”

And the most popular hash song was sung by the hares ...

6.68km 67mins