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Tai O, Lantau. Hares: Big Bitch & Hash Cash The New(est) Testament of The Bible of LSWH3…… "We always do the xx99th Little Sai Wan Hash runs, and that is not going to change!" barked The Matriarch of LSW at the end of jovialities of the Reunion Hash in Baden, Switzerland, last year. And so it was. And the people rejoiced and shouted "On On" and "We are not worthy!", with a smattering of "For Gispert's sake, don't argue with the woman". "Follow the Holy Shoes of Big Bitch!" declared one hasher. And so it was. And there was a calming of the crowd as they knew no amount of arguing would change the deities mind. And here it was. Saturday 21st March, 2015, Big Bitch, assisted by "flour carrier" (ex)Hash Cash, gathering their flock at the temple of Ngong Ping Cable Car Terminus. Disciple Motormouth, as predicted, last to arrive, ignoring preset instructions on where to meet, causing Hash Cash and Hopeless to run around Tung Chung Plaza for 20 minutes before she finally turned up… at the bus from the wrong exit. Grumpy disciple "Teeny Weeny", a local Lantau resident, had deigned to grace Little Sai Wan with his presence as the hares resisted his requests to reveal the run location, so he could save a few shekels and minutes from his kibbutz in Pui O. And so the 1999th crusade set off in two buses… to Tai O. Anxious thoughts of an A to B pilgrimage to the food location on Cheung Sha Beach were dispelled when the hares finally gave their sermon. "Three passages have we set. All routes lead to The Fountain of Beer, also known as "here". There be a Walkers, there be a Wimps and there be a Rambos. The passage distances we know not, go forth and multiply run my children!" The 69 followers were duly sent out on trail, led by The Flying Scotsman, crossing over the bridges of Tai O (Moses not needed in this modern era). Past Temples 1 and 2, the second one disguised as a "Check Back", Tony & Hopeless spotting flour on the temple steps. Some good Checks and trickery in the graveyard area saw Hopeless lead out over the graveyard with shortcutters Teeny Weeny and Idiot trying to get back infront. Dogshit, Slippery Edge, Lost In Translation, Comes Up The Rear and Harvey Bailey were all in hot pursuit, with the in form Sweaty Snail Gobbler and The Bastard close by. More good Checks as we loped back into Tai O allowed Tequila Fcukwit to catch up, and Master W@nker, the pack being led out again of Tai O towards Temple #3. Another cunning CB saw Hopeless lead again, for the last time, as the Walkers and W/R split was encountered, a grinning hare standing on the bridge. Then the unimaginable happened. A sudden increase in humidity saw most of the hash reduced to walking pace. Even the most fit, devout disciples such as SSG and The Bastard were walking as if bearing sandals and not the latest Salomon Xt trail shoes. The mighty Thermal Dick too was seen head down and gasping for faith and a sign from above. Then the split… Wimps down the road towards the end… Rambos past the bull and onto the catchwater…. For a kilometre of hard yakka before a Check took the followers into the tree line. Teeny Weeny, our silent disciple, with an inability to Scribe, it seems, was way off on his own, but the rest of the group duly wrote up their parchments on "the Checks" to allow fellow believers to follow those blessed teeny shoes….. The long and steep concrete path signposted to "Tai O" was a bit of a test at the end of a 10km trail, but once onto the flat, there was a welcome sprint for home. Obviously disciple Weeny was in first on the Rambos, and, despite a Triple trip attempt on Lost In Translation, our Scottish lass finished first lady Rambo home. An excellent set of trails, enjoyed by all, the flock safely home and uninjured, well done the hares! Down Downs by Hopeless The hares - Big Bitch and helper Hash Cash LSW Reunions - last year's hare - Nutcut Any original 1979/1980 hashers - Tai Po & Flying Scotsman Late - Motormouth & AFWD Bitching about not being told where A was - Teeny Weeny. Talk to the Big Bitch! Late nighters - 5am - Dogshit & Master W@nker and still made the run All the overseas visitors - Rosin and Mick Mills, The McLeod's, Maltz-Joneses, LPS, the Etheridges, the Joneses, Slippery Edge, Dogshit, Master W@nker and mate, the Houghtons, Special Branch, Petafile, Nutcut & Harvey, Hash Perve, MENSA & Shanghai, & Crème Brûlée Notable local returnees - Britney. Hard Pressed, The Bastard, Geez Wayne & Myrna, Sugar Boy & Lizzie, Mr Happy Slippers, Priscilla, Stripper, Swimsuit Notable name change - Phil the Gut Committee recognition - Ruggero, Indy, Hash Cash and Hash Horn! Excellent job producing the magazine - Big Bitch. Park n Shop - not good at going down today….. Hopeless gets presented with new after shave courtesy of The Parkies called "HOPE" The Hash Cash box was shown to one and all… its magical powers….? It can provide for a villa in Spain with a large garden and swimming pool! Petafile - Hopeless presents beer mats collected over the past 2 years Arsenal and Liverpool beer mats - MENSA, Special Branch, The Parkies, Sex Gone Too Far Anniversaries - Macau Drunk 750, Big Bitch 650, Motormouth 450, Comes Up The Rear 125 Parkie's speech - not about rhubarb crumble (shock!) - but recognising past LSWers who may no longer be with us. R.I.P. Down downs by Indy Big Bitch - When told on phone to come to 'bins', her Scottish accent confused yours truly (Ozzie Indy) completely. Instead of Tai O, what was heard was Pui O...... hence an extended detour in wrong direction... and 2 taxis later.... On In all the Scots to listen to their accents - will try to decipher names.... Lost In Translation, Swimsuit, Sweaty Snail Gobbler, Mr Happy Slippers, Big Bitch, Hash Cash.... to name a few.... Daughter of Scot / Irish mix - so confused by the simple question of… 'State your name' that she gave the location of where she was 'Tai O'!! And from that answer a hash name was born..... to go with the likes of 'Tai Po' and 'Macau Drunk'! LSW Magazine - those who have changed little 'over the years!'..... seems to have favoured the males of the species... Macau Drunk, Hopeless, Hash Cash (except for the beard removal!), Hash Horn... and..... Motormouth!! Most distinguished in ageing - from strong spritely classical good looks... to adding the 'touches of grey'...... Parkie...! Those whose faces have seemingly most often appeared in LSW Mag - Twinkle Toes, The Flying Scotsman, Hash Cash and Big Bitch (well they are from their photo collection!), Park'NShop and Parkie Today's LSW Non-Committee - Macau Drunk, Hopeless, Indy, (Lubricated Trojan absent!) Highest IQ (W@nker) vs. the two MENSAs - MENSA 1 and MENSA II - who really is the most intelligent here? The Twins - reunited - Nutcut & Gary Glitter. Song sung by the hares and a few other old timer volunteers.
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