Heng Fa Chuen

Hared at the last minute by Crash Test Dummy and logistics by Indyanus

The first LSW of 2015 turned out to be a laid-back affair, most probably, all hashes were still overindulging on the commendable excesses of hashing all last year. In fact, so sensible was the mingle, all unequivocally volunteered for a delayed start!…One positive and laudable suggestion to the set back is that all LSW Hashers needed to play liberal socialist catch-up, actually, the run was delayed due to a quasi- circle, which was first up,.. The run… somewhat later but let’s not confuse set back with the almighty check-back. Why the quasi-circle first? And why the late start? When the mental fog eventually cleared, the deliberation was spot on, and the late start seemed generously proportioned, apparently, just another method in madness to kick start LSWers into top gear, with the prospect of a live hare!!. So in pride of place, ad midst no rules, typical of LSW socialist non-etiquette, a feverishly rendered rambling announcement from Indy Anus had us all on our 2015 starter blocks…no wait… “Startled blocks”.

A cause for alarm in most cases, Indy festooned with a bottle of wine in one hand and sheets of run stats in the other that was nothing short of a clandestine occupy operation, or a small-scale rehearsal (with only the civic responsibility and competence of Hashes at Heng Fa Cheun), Indy, with her fake upper class British accent… no wait, inebriated Aussi scrabble babble set the stage and, proceeded dishing out the 2015 call of duty!.

Diligently and rigorously, Indy scrutinized the run stats, naming and shaming unsuspecting Hashes to get OnOn with their ratios - runs versus hared!, (dyscalculia - no excuse), Indy did admit to not being a Maths teacher and admitted that scrabble delivery had to be nothing short of the Hashy brash fashion, so as to remind us all, that there’s no actual LSW programme in the first place to get OnOn with!!…but what about the ratios… Alas, it was also proudly proclaimed that there is no need for the blame thrower either, so no rules, no fools was the disorder of the day. Confirming that LSWers know who they are, and know how to do it, if one does it, they all do it - yes they do, yes they will, yes they are Hashes, yes they can and so on…

So On On On into 2015 LSW went, take note future trail makers: we kicked off with a live hare!!, Crash Test Dummy must have realised that the universe was aligned, which is very timely indeed given the Sheep/ goat / Ram year is upon us next month. We set off like sheep-dogs (and pussy cats) chasing the Hare, but the Crash Test is not your typical run, nor hare. Perhaps more aptly put, CTD is a mountain battle Ram, up into the hills, around Heng Fa Chuen, and CTD was nowhere to be seen…. Except for impeccable trail markings, but no split, the checks and backs were timed to perfection at a reasonable distance, even some of the FRBs, Breon, CIMT, Gobi Lo, Gai Tai, Virgin, Thermal Dick, Bobble Dick, CUTR, Frank the Plank, Octopussy, SMPs, Macau Drunk were back early, under 40 mins, everyone in 45, all climbing 200+ meters! Macau drunk almost went that extra mile, having recognised some of the previous FCH3 trail, but lucky for the drunk, it was not included in the Crash Test.

Keeping up with the new hashy year splirt, a short but live run, about 5K with checks did very well to remind all highly esteemed LSWers (without being on a race), just how fast they actually are!!. A FRB not mentioned, the one without a torch - she’s that good! Not only making it back in the dark of night, and in record time but she found a headlamp on trail, without the need for a headlamp! This proves LSW is not a typical hash, talent is indeed intrepid, keep it up!.

Scholastically yours, On On, SGTF

Down Downs by Indy

- CT excellent run, a great example for all, no recce and two days’ notice - despite 3 weeks away, one in NZ and two in Scotland!

- CT’s home toon is pronounced “Milgay” but is Milngavie, Glasgow, East Dunbartonshire. Start of west highland way, battle with shitty England.

- 1988 Burma revolution. Gai Tai - is there any civilization in Edinburgh...hash, Scots on 96-105 years old, England 75, John Mckinven sweaty territory. Sticky Sex Toy went to University of Stirling

- Toast to 2015, the run was great, FRBs 40 mins, the rest of the best 45

- Kneeling Virgin is helpful after all carrying drinks from MTR to run site

- CT is suffering Deli belly, neither caught in New Zealand, nor Scotland but caught in Hong Kong, nasty prawn dumpling…there’s to white girls, they’re so blue.

- CT wake up! Nodding off, taking down downs to a new level..

- CT did not know the local area, Ruggero gave CT detailed breakdown of last FCH3 run in same area.

- SGTF - get to know your parents, Parky & Park N shop setting run next week, early Valentines run, SGTF, No!, check your emails…

- All non-Scotts, British, stand-up, SGTF you are doing write up.

- Run / hare ratio disaster you know who you are - SGTF 16-1 = 1-16 - Ruggero 741-36 = 1.21 - Chris 119-6 = 1.20 - Esther 164-12 = 1.40 - CTD 118-9 = 1.13 - Suck my pills 55-3 = 1.18 - Erica 160-10 = 1.16 - Keeling V 2 – 0 - Gai Tai 37-5 = 1.72 - Butterfly 7-0 - Thermal Dick 131-6 = 1.22 - Indy 408-32 = 1.12 - Bei 60-1 - Frank the Plank 1.210 Gai Tai down down: Sticky Sex Toy did not put on weight, she became loose over Christmas