LSW 1905 – Tsuen Wan


Tsuen King Circuit Sports Centre, A to A

Hares: Comes Up The Rear (CUTR) & Octopussy

Recycle, Reuse, Reduce, RENEW! Rumours of repeated trail from another hash were rife. Snowden-like source was putting it about as in "Awwwww Hopeless, you know.... Awwwww, he's gonna recycle man...." Legal constraints prevent us from revealing this Virgin snitch.

Exit A3 of Tsuen Wan MTR was the vague instructions to get there - the "fun police" rubbing out the markings along the tunnel to the Centre, while Hopeless's efforts of marking at ground level were, well, hopeless. Seems the park area was not the actual start point, but the public corridor area outside the entrance doors to the Centre itself.

Inflato and Chopper were early, Chopper already causing havoc by biting into the local kids' football as they attempted to play 7-a-side soccer on the adjacent pitch.

"Over here!" was the shout from the balcony, so we walked up past the first "On On' to the gathering pack in the pink-tiled area. Octopussy arrived, covered in some white "substance" that nobody wished to speculate on as to what it might be. Octo announced CUTR was: "still setting" and she shot off to buy (mineral) water.

The Irish Provocateur and Bounty Hunter, Frank 'Silver Top' Pilkington arrived, and flying in from a secret CIA "black site", the fearless operative "Lost In space", both on a mission. Find. Locate. If necessary. Kill. Edward Snowden. (Seems espionage agencies talk in "full stops").

It appears last week's write up and mention of a possible sighting had gained the attention of some international agencies. Even the Chinese had got wind of things, sending in a TV crew lead by Miss Shao Xiaoshan, a well-known female spy. "We come to film the famous runner yes? She go below. No? Gobi desert? No? (We have spy training in Gobi desert, maybe I am confused?). Oh, yes, Denvy Lo. We make movie, she and we no spy, OK?" Alright I thought, directing them past the basketball court towards the first Check.

Then, slipping in quietly, our new hasher Max David arrived. He looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't quite place my finger on it. But, being busy getting ready for a re-run of a Wanchai Hash trail, I cleared my mind, ready for the task ahead. Actually a fairly small sized pack started off, to be joined by late arrivals such as Sticky Sex Toy, Toilet Spray and Sweaty Snail Gobbler (who hared the WH3 run in this area 2 weeks ago).

Leading the charge out was Come Into My Tunnel from the Bundesnachrichtendienst, Cheesy Flying Fux (aka "Rob Gilchrist") from the NZSIS, and Gobi Lo from SID Singapore. Ms. Xiaoshan and her cameraman were stood on the first Check, lights blazing trying to pick out Snowden, but he must have slipped through as no shouts or shooting were heard as we turned left and up to the main road, Tsuen King Circuit.

A left and circuit round again left through On Yap Street took us to the steps that WH3 came down 2 weeks before. A real sense of Déjà vu was setting in. Yes, onto the catchwater, and the first W/R split, Madam Lo hitting the short route up, while Kim Philby lookalike "Crash Test Dummy" led the Rambo charge along the catchwater left.

First act of carnage then followed at the first Rambo Check. Several agencies stayed on the concrete while some went up the stairs where Philby had gone. Quickly agents Silver Top, Alotta Fagina (see hash news #1888), W@nker Blunt, and CIMT turned round, fearing Philby had a track on Snowden. Welsh MI5 operative, Agent 00069, aka "Hopeless", with inside knowledge of a previous hash, pursued the track on the concrete. Faint arrows rewarded his diligence as he sensed his mission was unfolding positively.

The next Check on the catchwater again caught out the bickering pack behind Agent 00069 as Philby led them astray again, along with Gilchrist as another 5-7 minutes were lost finding the trail. 00069 by this time had shot through to the ridge, the second W/R split, and up R2 to the mountain top. With no sheep evident to entertain the Welsh paramour, he continued on down, the distant sounds of Gilchrist now edging closer.

A Checkback brought the group back together with Alotta Fagina taking up point, winding down into the valley as Chopper the Retriever came bounding upwards, minus his handler.

With no signs of Snowden on trail, the agents all came to the same conclusion - Snowden must have been a double Wimp, damn him! Pace picked up as the pack rediscovered the WH3 trail, being run in reverse to its original course, down Sheung Fa Shan and back into Tsuen Wan.

The hare was passed as we went through the village as he was remarking trail to ensure safe passage to the "safe house" of the Sports Centre, some of the in-trail going over the original out-trail. Happily the wasps nest that was so active on the WH3 run was in a sleepy state, so nobody got stung except Legally Blonde and The Virgin Mary - but they were stung in McDonald's - stung for $25 for two burgers at the On Home marker - "to kill the hunger man!".

Well laid trail, dead on 8km for the twin Rambos, well done the hares!

Snowden? Well, maybe he's in Russia…. Maybe he's not!

On On to onsite pizza and the Down Downs……

Down Downs courtesy of Hopeless:

The hares - CUTR and Octopussy - recycled trail, run site in a corridor not the park, film crew again, but nice trail.

Latecomers - Theo and CPH, Backdraft, Sticky Sex Toy, Toilet Spray

CUTR and CPH - same trail - now some of us have gone each way

Who did that WH3 run and still got the Checks wrong? Shiggy Gaga and Wanchai W@nker

Lost on trail - Chopper, neck extension - Inflato

McDonald's on trail - Virgin Mary and Legally Blonde

CUTR - what's wrong with the park rather than a corridor for the run site?

Crash Test Dummy - every check wrong

Frank The Plank - "fook you musta been way ahead Hopeless!"

King of the hills - Hopeless

King of the fishbowls - Frank - went back to R2 and was about to do it again

Disabled shower is great - Wanchai W@nker and Backdraft comparing notes - worrying trend

"Don't film me, I was on TV last week!" - Octopussy

45 minutes to park a car - Sticky Sex Toy

Drunk and locked out of flat - Wanchai W@nker - caused by Backdraft "keeping me out late"

Wanchai W@nker - pee'd in bin while waiting for locksmith and leaving the maid to clean it up

Naming - Whistle Blower - Max David (Snowden lookalike)

The Yanks for failing to spot Mr. Snowden - Backdraft & Lost In Space

Come Into My Tunnel - excellent calling on trail but his "right turn" shout meant Hopeless turned right one layer too early

Anniversary 400 runs - Frank The Plank

Ruggero - added the bus 930 info "to see if anyone would try it" and took the MTR.

Backdraft for actually taking the 930

Sacked as Cohare - Toilet Spray

Replaced by - Octopussy

Hash song - hares and Frank.

Tsuen Wan