It was a warmish evening just before Christmas when a group of intrepid Hashers gathered at the Southorn playground, eagerly awaiting the evening to come.
Upon seeing the LSW hashers, a kindly old man came forth to warn us of the evilness that lurks in that there playground. “Watch your belongings” it was said. These words would turn out to be true as seconds later an Evil wisp knocked into poor Inflate-a-date and tried to dislodge his drink bottle. Taking a breath to recover, it was time for Inflate-a-date’s attire to draw comment. For the kindly old man seemed to know about The King of the Hills. “Upside down” was the description. Seems he meant up and down but his wisdom and possible premonition went noticed.
One Hasher arrived aboard a sliver and black contraption wearing antlers. Gobi Lo Ho ho ho alone, carried the hash’s Christmas spirit.
Gloves are needed we were warned in advance. “Don’t listen to that nonsense”, it was heard, “he’s not called Ninja Winga for no reason.”
The pack was off up Amoy Street. This name alarms yours truly as Swine Flu was invented in the Amoy Gardens a few years before. And therefore this Swine Sucker was named. Hanging back for Baaabuttfuck (Sarah), a glopping of feet and an urgent rustling was near deafening as Indy and Lost at Sea charged to the start 2 minutes after the horn had been blown. This rattled me, not only, as Bobbledick came back to the start to ask “where is the on?”. We gathered our senses and off we set in search of the first marking.
So we left nearly last but remember the “upside down” for at the first “T”, there was much confusion and shouting around. “There is a ‘T’ ahead”, alerting the returning hashers, lights all a blazing. Bobbledick thought this nonsense so we trotted up the already forgotten path to check for ourselves. We were rewarded as The Hare had warned all “T”s would be monikered with a touching monogram of LSW to separate our hash from the riff raff. On we went in front. “On on” we called proudly.
The glory of leading such a noble bunch lasted briefly as we were introduced to the Grandfather of all shiggy. This sucker was glad of his gloves. On all fours we did clamber. With a trail of torch lights ahead a small voice penetrated the sounds of crackling undergrowth. Who else among us could say “This run is quite civilized”? only someone with the badge of pure Evil - Dr Evil. “At least it’s not wet like two weeks prior”. This boast impressed the visiting “LipService”.
2:22 the distance covered when the beaten and bashed emerged from the entangled hillside. On firm ground, the blood began to flow as the pace lifted with spirits raised. Suddenly, the Whimps appeared mid track. They had been misguided to the point of revulsion. Indy had placed the dreaded call to the Hare as to the whereabouts of the trail. Spared the humiliation of admitting such a defeat, the Rambo’s brushed aside Gary Glitter and a couple of others to follow Lost at Sea, as he bolted up the shiggy.
One longhaired and very wise Hasher, on his 635th Hash, proclaimed this Shiggy “Virgin” as was the previous Grandfather Shiggy. The pack continued, dragging themselves up by rope over smooth yet narrow trail.
Conjecture arose how the Hare came across these paths. As spoken of before the ‘Winger’ part of his name has been explained but it appears the ‘Ninja’ part was revealed. It is thought, he must be a Ninja Cat burglar to know such swift and unknown escapes from the Gehry apartments we trotted near on the exit.
4:44 the distance covered. Wimps/Rambo split. A spooky outline of a Ghost was revealed. Was this Ghost an Omen? While admittedly the Ghost was a Roll Royce, the start it gave sent the Rambo’s scurrying down the pathway away from Wan Chai toward Pok Fu Lam. Again, some non-monogrammed markings added to confusion. On On……..On On………. Echoed through the valley. Are you?......... Are you?.......... “Lo Ho ho ho has called on”. Lost at sea proclaimed. Up we went.
6:66 the distance covered. The thoughts of the ‘Omen’ and ‘666’ rung as a sprightly small figure dashed past. Was it Damien? Or maybe - Lemon Drop? There was bounding and chatter as this young hasher circled and then slammed on the brakes mid path causing a near pile up. One of the Horrors. “I gotta wait for Dad” Young Master Hilton.
8:88, 9:99 and 10:10 came and went. Towards the end, the discussion turned to how best to negotiate the steep gradient on home. Swatting and pushing in the heels seems one method as does assuming the position of the severely constipated walking on hot coals.
As we all know there is no racing on the Hash. Young Master Hilton fragrantly disregarded this rule, resulting in jostling and blocking by some full grown Hashers. Young Master Hilton thought this sport and rose to the baiting and bolted back on in, only to be taken at the last fence.
All Hashers in. Nothing stolen thanks to Yummy Mummy and the Hare keeping watch.
On on - Thai. Good food and a few late comers dropped in for the meal.
Down Downs. (What follows is only a loose account).
The Hare - The run, the scramble, shortcut to wimps
The Hare - ladies hash marking confused us
The Hare - Phone call “No whimps trail there”
Lost at sea - sent up shiggy
Baaabuttfuck - for clothing. Saucy Lawyer.
Baaabuttfuck and Virgin Mary for wearing Lawyers colours of Purple and black
The Hare – Shiggy Path
Hilton - Young boy goes past – thinking Horrors Hash?!
Inflato and Son
Eager Beaver - Are all Hashes like this? All these steps?
The Hare - Markings – up from the police Museum,
Visitors – Hilton, Eager Beaver and Lipservice
Eager Beaver and Lipservice - from Bangladesh Social Workers ex UK. Hoping to lift 1,000,000 out of poverty
Returnee – Grouper
Baaabuttfuck – complaining that Indy was complaining. Example why do you want to get water?
Chat room – complaining Ivana Nucock that she is always on holidays and could set more runs
Chat room set no runs
Mountain Marathon runners – various down downs given
Swine Sucker – Becoming Hash Cash