Hares : Big Bitch and Hash Cash.

YOUR HASH NEEDS YOU ! Get your name on the Hareline.

Such is the state of affairs that the LSWH3 Hareraiser press-ganged two retired hashers into setting the run. One of them, well known for her Alzheimer's ailment forgot her golden rule ' "I will only set ONE run, what is this 'Rambos' nonsense that is going on nowadays?!".

So she obviously got half way round, forgot she was setting a run, and restarted setting a new one half way through. Her obedient servant and brow beaten husband naturally assumed it was a W/R split and duly marked it as such. For sure this was the case as no arrow had an "R" to show it was a Rambos route, and Big Bitch duly carried on setting her "second run" of the night…….

I say a 2nd run as I was clocking in over 9km for my route, which missed some of the Checking that the front runners like Gobi Lo, Frank The Plank, and even HP Salsa were doing. If half the pack weren't screwed by a failed Japanese navigation system in the reservoir I would probably have clocked nearer 11km. Near to double a typical Big Bitch trail.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. (The Japanese bit is true).

Bumper turnout at the start as Master W@nker joined the list of returnee runners including old old timers The Flying Scotsman and wife Kath.

This week we have a "bumper issue" with 2 Run Reports, starting with Castrato's account:

Big Bitch and Hash Cash. Well having complained mercilessly about the lack of 'proper' hashing in Hong Kong we were all looking forward to finding out what an old time hash consisted of.

Well the start was fairly traditional - Aberdeen at the bottom of the hill. A goodly crowd and pleasant cool weather. So with a toot of the horn off up the hill we went.

Now it would have been useful if I had actually paid attention to where we were going but of course I didn't. So we went round and about some streets and stairs until we hit a concrete stretch and it was into the woods, running up a pipeline. The more adventurous amongst us ran along the top of the pipeline and used it for a bit of hash overtaking. But in general it was up up up.

At the top we ran along a pleasant path in the woods and then down into some kind of weird muddy stream bed thing. At this point Catch of the Day screwed the entire thing up. We were happily following trail and then she suddenly and mysteriously screeched, dashed off to the side and launched into the undergrowth up the hill.

The more gullible amongst us - Hopeless, Man Salad, Macau Drunk - followed on. I saw a hasher running off along the stream bed shouting 'flour' but I was seduced by the illustrious company. So up the bank we went, crashing through barely penetrable undergrowth,

"Leave me behind. I'm done for.", cried Man Salad - stuck in a bush.

"Hrrumph", went Ruggero.

"Flour", wailed Hopeless.

Unfortunately the flour was from the path we had just come from. And there was Toilet Spray following up the rear.

"Am I a front runner?", she asked.

"Hrrumph", said Hopeless.

So back down into the river gully thing. Then around and through to another rather pleasant countryside trail. This went on some distance and ended up in some complex multi-way checks. We did lots of those up and down stairs. Then to another. And to another. Finally we arrived at a dam and ran across ending up a little further on at a Wimp Rambo split. This did somewhat confuse Hopeless who was absolutely certain that nothing like this had ever happened before. Certainly not on a proper hash anyway.

The unwise and unwashed set off down the Rambos and along a catchwater before, at another check, the path went off up the hill and under some pylons. It was beginning to seem like quite a lot of hill now so I was personally glad when finally we reached the top and were off left along and down steps. From that point on it was pretty simple, along the path, down more steps and a road and ultimately back to the start.

And waiting for us at the end were BB and HC with cheese on oatmeal biscuits, shortbread and beer. The perfect end to a proper run.

Jos

Hopeless's Story:

St. Andrew's Day was recognized by an abundance of Scots including Mr. Happy Slippers, and the hares in their Scottish Day hash T-shirts. With an initial batch of drinks placed on ice, and a delay for Frank The Plank to get in his shorts, the pack were sent off. Not up the hill but right onto Yue Fai Road and a Check. True trail went to the end of the road, and the steps to Yue Kwong Road and then the predictable cut through the fence and then left onto the pipeline back towards Aberdeen Country Park.

It must be said this was the end of the "predicable" because everything after that was pretty much a surprise. (Well except by this stage I had passed Indy for the third time already).

The trail ducked and weaved through, up, over, and around Aberdeen Country Park. Trail took us into the mouth of Aberdeen Lower Reservoir and onto new and bright green grass. COTD decided to totally ignore the flour and lead AFWD, Hopeless, The Flying Scotsman and a few other back to the previously solved Check via a scramble up a hillside.

At this point we came across Toilet Spray who gleefully asked the question "Oh, am I a front runner now?". "Afraid not young lady", I replied, it was an elder member of your gender dragging our sorry asses through the thicket, but you can shortcut back down if you like". (Or some similar words…..).

So…. Glitter passed, Indy passed, catch the pack trying to solve another Check. Get it wrong, pass Indy for the 5th time….. finally catch Gobi Lo (although she's injured so not such a great achievement) and Master W@nker with Little Sai W@nker in tow, having been turned around by another well placed Check back. Up again…… pass LWS for the third time…..

Suddenly find a "W/R" marking…. On a Big Bitch run, OMG! OK, feign right onto the catchwater and then…. Good grief, another set of uphill, shiggy, under the pylon. Pass Indy for the 6th time….

Thankfully a little bit easier trail before hitting Peel Rise and a 1.2km flat out sprint to the bottom of the road where Gobi Lo stopped to walk, Ruggero picked up his pace, and AFWD stuck alongside him. LSW passed for the 4th time, that blinking red light is somewhat annoying don't ya think?!

Then - the sprint finish - testosterone and common sense out the window as AFWD and Hopeless race each other to the finish while the more sensible and laid back Ruggero strolls in with a big grin.

Well marked undulating trail, enjoyed by all. 34 ran but it seemed a lot more than that in the small confines of the sitting our area.

OnOn to the Myanmar Thai restaurant and Down Downs courtesy of Indy:

(Note - it is hard to read the spider's trail that some may call "handwriting". But here we go…..).

Hares - how to set a hash.

Little Sai W@nker - how not to set a run.

Run Report courtesy of Castrato.

St. Andrew's Day so all the Scots up for a DD.

COTD - "Little Sai W@nker-san, you run good now, so so much fat b@stard".

Swine Sucker - new shoes and drink out of them.

Hopeless - causing the hash to turn into a race.

Hopeless - "is that Indy holding us up again?".

Master W@nker - more polite, just leaps past runners in the shiggy like a gazelle.

Castrato - Indy's bus monitor.

Returnees - COTD "as N2TH3 runs suck"; Frank The Plank ("What month was St. Andrew's Day last year?); Bondi Barbie, Shergar, Master W@nker and Stripper.

LSWH3 Virgin - Dee.

Bangkok - running like a leopard (cheetah?) for the first 100 metres.

Hopeless - advertising on Facebook he had 2 hashers arrested on his LH4 run the night before.

The Flying Scotsman - 60 at midnight.

Master W@nker - expecting sunny weather when he gets back to Shanghai - but it's winter there, he's been away too long.

Tight Lips - "Any shagging Down Downs for tonight?" (That's what it seems to say from what I can read!).

Boilers - so stressed his teeth are falling out.

Some unintelligible handwriting……

The Hares - Big Bitch & hash Cash for a great run.

Sang the song - Hares and other old timers of LSWH3"