"The Best Run of the Year" Hopeless 23 July 2011

To ensure there were no f*** ups, Hopeless set off at 9.22 am to set "the best run of the year", only scheduled to start 6 hours later at 3.00 pm. After two trips to the supermarket to buy the right type of rice flour he finally met up with his disobedient co-hare, Wanchai Wanker and both headed off to Kam Shan Country Park and to the elusive car park for "A".

A number of hours later, at 1.35 pm, yours truly rocked up to Fenwick Street laden down with the Hash Stash: politically correct shirts, pink for the girls and blue for the boys, the hash list, apron and hash cash. Other hashers slowly trickled in, paid and got on the bus to get out of the heat and into the air con. Little did they realize a coolheaded Quiche was looking down from his brand new air conditioned office across the road at the plebs melting in the heat. Be warned, Quiche, the next FCH3 run starts from your office!

Regular late comer, Comes Up The Rear, actually came on time, shame Octopussy didn't. Virgin to LSWH3 and newbie to HK, Kate (Pole Dancer) turned up later and then a family of 7. The bus finally left at 2.10 - only 10 minutes late.

The journey to Tai Po Road was uneventful, however, when we got to Piper's Highway and where we were supposed to stop, the bus driver carried on, despite a number of the hashers on the bus waving back at Hopeless, waving madly at the side of the road. Thankfully, we were guided back by the co-pilot Inflatadate, who is normally driving a plane rather than a bus; we end up back at the proper car park to meet the hot and sweaty hares, and some drivers (with dogs), and one or two who made it by taxi (Octopussy!).

After sorting bags, drinks, ice, stash, etc, hashers dragged themselves up the hill to the beautiful BBQ site, instructions were given by the hares on the Wimps, Rambo's split, chalk was handed out, Garmins were switched on, and the pack headed off.

First check on Tai Po Road had the pack spread out, either up over the bridge to the Wilson trail or short-cutting and dodging traffic over the road to the Wilson Trail, or up Tai Po Road, or the correct route, along the trail towards Kowloon Reservoir. Gobi Lo chose the right way… and that was the last I saw of her. Along Kowloon Reservoir and past the monkeys, who were probably wondering who the hell we were running in 34oC heat. Some of the hashers only made it to the monkeys, squealed, and headed back home. The braver ones carried on and were so glad they did. Soft trails underfoot and through the largest trees I've ever seen in the New Territories, dips up and down, pretty bamboo paths, mostly shaded and only a little bit of concrete on the steps and at the end where you had the monkeys again to entertain you. A very beautiful run, which would have been an even more beautiful stroll, had I not wanted to keep up with the pack of runners around me.

Well done the hares.

And so after fighting with the hash horrors for the soft drinks, the old timers for the beer, changing into our new hash kit, the circle was brought together by Gobi Lo and the scribe.

Gobi Lo's circle:
The Hares - Hopeless and Wanchai Wanker, excellent run
Hopeless - using a floppy disk box to store chalk, some of us don't even know what floppy disks are
Hopeless - specially setting the run for Lemondrop. Has the hash literally "gone to the dogs"?
And talking of dogs, ADWD, we all know hashers are cheap bastards, but ADWD is taking it to the next level. She got the dog groomer to clip her dog's fur so short that she had to put sun block on him (Ed2's note, actually ADWD was responsible for the world's worst dog haircut!)
What can be more annoying than one of those old men on the trails, walking with a loud radio? Prison Break singing aloud and shouting "Trail" completely off-tune.
Buttfan - sitting on the check, CK chalk mark on her butt
Old Sock - having a shower with the kids around him - all a bit disturbing and pervy
F3M - surrounded by bushes yet changed in full view. Wasn't it a kids-friendly hash?
Ice Dancer - obviously enjoying the view, said F3M was not in standard knickers and bra [Ed: what? They were pink, what more could he ask for?]
F3M - needing a beer to do the DDs, believing she sounded funnier the more beer she drinks.

F3M's circle:
Not only Ice Dancer perving but Wanchai Wanker too
Lucy, for putting F3M to shame - cooking a 3-course meal for WW while F3M had only made Hopeless a ham sandwich and bought a sausage roll

Hopeless' circle:
Wanchai Wanker had actually two portions of food, one for him and one for Hopeless; however he scoffed the whole lot.
Wanchai Wanker - not following Herr Hopeless' orders and marking out 15 open checks for the wimps
Freewheel - waving at Hopeless as the bus rolled on past A
Lucy and Anal Acceptance - frightened of the monkeys and so turning back after only 5 minutes of trail
Sholto and cousin - hearing the blood curdling screams from the monkeys and so also turning back

F3M's circle:
Anal Invitation - front running bastard for 500 yards and then collapsed exhausted
Hares - for not counting out and counting in, forgetting poor Shitler, Beer Fcuk and a very exhausted HP Salsa on trail
HP Salsa - crawling in and going straight for the Indian sugared sweets and cake for some energy

Pricilla's circle:
F3M - not being racist, but wondering if Quiche would like her Indian sweets

F3M's circle again:
Quiche - waiting in his air conditioned office while other hashers melted at the bus stop below
Shitler and Beer Fcuk - sex on the hash
Octopussy and Toilet Spray - taking so long to change and missing the wonderful hot water shower set up by Old Sock

Hopeless' circle:
Old Sock - hates petrochemical shirts and so Hopeless arranged a special personal cotton version. Old Sock forced to strip off and change in the circle

F3M's circle
Talking of shirts, Cheesy Flying Fox - looking very good in his pink instead of blue shirt, better than some of the women in fact
Cheesy Flying Fox - for printing illegal $1,000 notes and trying to pay hash cash
Barearse - a banker, and offering $50 for the dodgy $1,000 note
Back to the shirts, Any Dick Will Do and Laminated Lover - had a discussion this morning about moving furniture where ADWL told LL to "man up". Shirts therefore swapped in the circle. Yet another man who looks good in pink
Jacky - wearing a dragon boat shirt instead of a hash shirt - where had Ninja Winja promised to take her?
Pole Dancer - forgetting her surname even though she's been married for 3 years. Forgetting her husband too as he lives in Sweden and she's out here in HK
Hash horrors - so bloody many of them to name, but I think there were 11 of them, including a 2 month old.
Ivana Nucock - hates bloody children, as they surround her and ate all the cake, "who brought all these kids anyway?" she screams.
Hash Dads, Macau Drunk, Harvey Herrenanz, Britney - bringing the hash horrors along
Buttfan - baking hash cake disguised as carrot cake
Inflatadate - increasing the temperature in the reservoir from 30 to 32oC
Comes up the rear - arriving on time and actually running with the pack for a change, quite a fast runner but…
Inflatadate and Cheesy Flying Fox - ahead through short-cutting, running through a check back
Camel, Tequila F**witt, Priscilla - running so fast that they missed the On On's around the bend

Priscilla's circle:
Several to the hares, and also three representatives/resemblances to the 3 jerseys of Le Tour de France, spotted, green and yellow jerseys riders.

Hopeless' circle:
Visitors - Eve (ex LH4), One Eyed Jack (KH3), Pole Dancer, Jacky
Returnees - Taxi, Britney, Hormone Tester

On On to the bash, an Indonesian / Chinese who served excellent satays - shame if you didn't get any, back to the bus, where the song was sung, and On On to Queen Vic to watch Australia's Cadel Evans win Le Tour de France sprint section - a sprint of a mere 50k!

Attendees (in order of paying hash cash), 53 in total including hash horrors:
Hopeless
Wanchai Wanker
F3M
Freewheel
HP Salsa
Beer Fcuk
Shitler
Anal Invitation
Anal Acceptance
Ninja Winja
Jacky (Ninja's GF)
Ruggero
sholto, inez, lucia, hannah, george
Britney
torin
Priscilla
Quiche Lorraine
Pole Dancer
Cheesy Flying Fox
Evil Braless
Winnebago
Inflatadate
Prisonbreak
Tequila F***witt
Hormone Tester
One Eyed Jack
Any Dick Will Do
Laminated Lover
Harvey
Eve (LH4)
+ 5 kids
Lucy
Taxi
Invana NuCock
Buttfan
Camel
Toilet Spray
Octopussy
Comes up the rear
Old Sock
Barearse
Ice Dancer
The Virgin Mary
Bravefart
Gobo Lo Ho