"I shall be telling this with a sigh
"Closing time, One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
It does not speak well of the markings when you can't find your way to the start from a designated exit. Popping out of Exit C1, after some help from fellow hashers, the scribe managed to meander his way to Cornwell Street Park, being passed in the opposite direction by a flustered Toilet Spray, sprinting at 6:55PM to throw some arrows down from the exits in case any runners may not know the enclave of Kowloon Tong. The charming pagoda was being vigorously manned by her co-hare Come In My Tunnel, checking off the runners as they arrived, including some long-lost returnees (Anal Invitation managed to convince his wife to let him go on not one, but two hashes this week!) and some fresh faces: Catch Of The Day pulled in two of her Japanese friends, Komoko and Ryoko, who had absolutely no idea what they were in for over the next few hours.
After amassing a pack of roughly 20 runners, Come In My Tunnel briefed the virgins on the markings, promising a vast (and, frankly, unavoidable) improvement over the Axis Connection Run set months ago in Tung Chung (with the famous arranged-rock arrows).
"There will be no problems, I know!"
Ahhhh, never trust a hasher.
The hare's promises had a fast dent put into them as the pack struggled for 1.5km at the beginning to find first arrow. Finally, Lost In Space stumbled upon the first chalk mark and brought the pack running with a triumphant "ON ON!". A check followed quickly afterwards, giving Inflatodate, Crash Test Dummy and Kuntshy the opportunity to surge the the head of the back. The trio remained uncontested for the next three kilometers as Inflato, armed to the teeth with local knowledge from previously living there, breezed through every check until crossing the bridge over Leung Chung Road, where a clever check back onto the road pulled the back together again.
The trail veered off road and onto stone trail, where another closed check shifted ranks again. The markings were clear as day and the checks quite clever, leading many to wonder if they had perhaps harshly prejudged the hare. Sympathy, however, quickly faded as the trail began a savage ascent to Lion Rock, soothed only by the crystal clear views of Kowloon and the soft sound of Hopeless tears splashing on the steep dirt trail as he cried in pain, suffering along with the rest of the pack. A check at the top sent the frontrunning Crash Test Dummy left onto the MacLehose with Dr. Evil in hot pursuit. In his own words (last week), "Make way for the real runners!"
The trail shot onwards and checkless to Beacon Hill, the pack thinning as everyone began to stretch their legs. The markings, perilously, also began to thin as the runners began questioning if we were supposed to actually leave the MacLehose eventually. At Lung Yan road, the Wimps were directed straight on downwards on the steps while the Rambos were given a gentle coasting incline that, while half a click longer, was much easier and in all likelyhood much faster.
Crash Test Dummy led the pack on down, followed by Dr. Evil, Hopeless, and Gobi Lo Ho/Lemon Drop's Bitch. Kuntshy, being what is colloquial referred to as a "dumb sh*t", was allegedly spotted running backwards on the Rambos, complaining that he missed the gigantic split markings and that "there's no such thing as a Wimps trail". Eventually, after tagging the split, your scribe joined Ivana Nucock, Any Fanny'll Do, Chatroom Pedophile and Winniebago for a fast descent down on home, with a little bit of "every marking is a check" thrown in for good measure. A couple wise calls later and we were back in safe. Welcoming us was a panting Anal Invitation, who stunned the pack by coming in first after a "mother of all shortcuts" that gave him a total of 4km versus the 10km for the pack, and the ever cheerful Castrato, who hasn't found a run that's pissed him off yet. Between him and Macao Drunk, one must wonder if living on Lamma is sort of Chinese Big Rock Candy Mountain, but then one remembers Camel, and it all sort of fades away.
There was some concern that was promptly washed away in the nearby excellent showers, some less prompt than others: the ever-cosmetic Octopussy and Sticky Sex Toy taking their usual 40 minute post-run soaks, prompting a rather vicious neckie by The Virgin Mary: "They need it". Calls for a catfight were unfortunately cut short as the return of the exhausted Japanese newcomers cued a steady migration to the bash, where all 19 bashers were stuffed into our own cozy room, only to be joined by Bobbledick when whispers reached him that Anal Invitation had overordered the food (although Yummy Mummy beat him to the punch and had much of it in tupperware already).
Rumors state that there were time issues during the circle.
Overall, an enjoyable, scenic and tough run with improved upon markings, with promises of a beautiful hare partnership to look forward to next September, when the duo has scrounged up enough cash to buy more than 2 bags of flour.
DOWN DOWN'S by INDY (both verbally and written!)
The Hares - Come in My Tunnel/Toilet Spray...the German/Mainland Chinese Connection! Well done on not losing anyone.....(except for the 4 who came in late....)!!!!
Come In My Tunnel/Catch of the Day .....the last CIMT duo from Tung Chung....still lingering memories of that one...but good turnout regardless!!
Boff (lookalike Bobbledick who just turned up for the Down Down's)-....was so late back on CIMT's last run that he never got to B.....in fact was not heard of until 11.30pm after had phoned his g/f in Taiwan to tell her he was okay..neglecting to tell those at the bash.......
Macau Drunk/CIMT - on that run went out at end of the bash to look for Boff's 'remains'....to then be called after 11.30pm to say 'all was well' for him ....well not if MD had been near him, who then missed his Lamma ferry by 2 minutes...so a taxi to Aberdeen...and then sampan!
The last 4 in this time - HP Salsa/Ryoko/LIS/Glenn Treasure!!
Catch of the Day - thought Tomoko was out there with other 4 so calling her up on mobile when she was already back in...in fact standing nearby her!
Virgins - Tomoko/Ryoko ....the Japanese new blood..
Anal Invitation - late to run so did it backwards and forwards..
CIMT - talked about where the run was going to AI...somewhere around BACON Hill...(rather than Beacon Hill...no wonder some were confused about the direction....)
Gobi Lo Ho (lookalike!) - disturbed that Anal I set off after her but was back in before her...'You can't have beaten me!'
Anal Acceptance - came to run site 15 mins early just to check that there was a run there that AI was going to.....
Cnutshy - Accidentally did Wimps steps down to hit Rambos rejoining trail then did R in reverse to the split at top of road!....and R back down again on road.....Que??
Chatroom - chatting up Buttfan on trail
Chatroom - chatting up Octopussy on trail
Chatroom - Dummy Spit! Complaining that we should be all outta the restaurant and cut the DD's as Chinese Staff looking grumpy and telling us time to go at 11.10 although they had previously agreed we could stay until 11.30!! (before we paid the bill that is!!!)...this was followed by Chatroom's swift departure!!
Ed note - At this point I was thinking this surreal scene reminded me of the On On at Cnutshy's bash at the Peking American when we were all told to leave by surly grumpy staff before our time....and then what happens next?
'When one American goes...all Americans go!!' Bye Bye CS who followed Chat's swift feet! ......the irony !! or was that not the real reason for his departure??? (leaving me with the DD's to write up!)
Are there any American's left? Lost In Space puts his hand up! ...Wrong you Mexican.....
CS - (now in absentia!!) previously tried to censor any recent transgressions against himself as asked Indy prior to DD's to not mention any goss about him (if she indeed had heard any??) .....and her answer was?????
Octopussy/Sticky ST - spent so long in bathroom 'cleaning up' after the run that prompted Virgin M to say ..'They need it!'...
Crash Test Dummy - Of SST's lengthy time away in bathroom said.....'She needs a long shower to wash the d**t off her! It's the small ones you have to watch!'
Non Runners - Wanchai Wanker / Yummy Mummy
Inflatadate - donating small 12 inch towel back to hash that was left at their 'palace' the previous week! Did it look out of place there?? ....COTD claimed it...
Virgin Mary - So used to following trail that last Friday at a non hash dinner asked Anal I to mark the way from the MTR to the restaurant!!!
CIMT/TS - enjoyed setting the run together so much that are volunteering to do it again (not same run??) soon....
Tomoko - seeing me write up the DD's asked if I were studying?....Hmmm...
Chris No Name - At Ivana/CS's run 2 weeks previously had arrived there late...around 10pm!! did the long run....finished at 1 am....then went home!!! Que???
Ivana Nuco*k - off on her Silk Rd Expedition as support person for 6 months....Great stuff!!...lucky for them that she speaks Russian and Mandarin!!!.....
Anniversaries - Ivana Nuco*k 75 runs, Crash Test Dummy 25 runs