HK Cricket Club
Hares : The Parkys.
I was looking forward to a bit of British civility up at the club on the Parkie Hash when my reverie was rudely disturbed by no less than the GM who stopped my chariot in the middle of the road, demanded that the bus driver let her in and finished with a chirpy 'I need a ride'. 'Skip the Aussie foreplay' I shouted and booted her leathery derrie into the seat beside me. She then proceeded to mark her student's homework while carrying on a conversation and smoking a fag. Is there no end to this woman's talents (and no wonder the locals can't write - Ed)!
One approaches ones first LSW hash and hash trash with the same enthusiasm as an invitation to sample British 'noveau' cuisine (an oxymoron if there ever was one). I had been lumbered in the said situation by one Hopeless who chickened out on our man-date and left me holding the proverbial bastard that is the LSW. Ce la vie and On On!
I descended from the chariot at Wong Nei Chung Gap to discover a nip in the air. 'There were many nips around here back in 1940' muttered a knowing Dr. Evil who was apparently a punkawall in the British Army in those days!
I approached the less than salubrious kick off (the club car park!) where there was no water, softies, booze only a grinning Park n'Shop and Catch of the Cameltoe. The usual motley crue arrived including a recently healed IPrick (apparently ill for a week after a date with Fuck Me On Porpoise - I told you to keep away from white trash - Ed).
We were pointed up the road and the first chalk led us around the back of Park Place. TVM rapidly took up her place at the rear having to deal with a vicious 1 in 10,000 slope (i.e. it was as flat as Bondi Barbie's head). The contour hugging path and lack of checks meant the FRBs were gone like shit off the proverbial foot powered, metal digging implement (forgive the verbosity but I have only just returned from the UK were political correctness has reached Septic proportions). Even the navigation impaired Octopussy shot passed and I was left in the gloom with my Sticky Sexy Toy (no bad thing on reflection).
Three klicks down the path and an obvious check disrupted the FRBs and had us turning right up hill. A short meander and we came to the split which led to a seriously short run for the wimps who shall remain nameless but for convenience shall be called Toiletspray and Motormouth. For some bizarre reason (must be night running which I still can't get my head around) I decided to do the Rambos and took the long climb through shiggy to the top of Mt Butler. Twas a great night for running and the view most excellent. I was hoping for a quick right and back to the start but I underestimated Parkie (must be the Viagra I recommended the other day). It was On Left and down to Mount Butler Road (I think - I'd lost interest by now). I was overtaken by the ever jovial Lost in Space who was chasing the crumpet as usual.
A long meander around the millionaire rows of Jardines Lookout, back on to Mount Butler Road and then up the back stairs to the Cricket Club. The bloody thing took me 80 minutes. Definitely a runner's hash.
It was On On to the club for a civilised shower with the boys (Gary Glitter said that this was the best part of the Hash!) and then pie and chips courtesy of the Parkies. TVM summed it up best, 'English food sucks!'
The Down Downs by Indy
Sticky Sex Toy abuse by Parkie (me next - Ed)
Slapper - Park n'Shop (the truth is finally out)
Lawyer scum - Broiler & TVM (people who definitely don't know the truth)
Honouree Englishman - Lost in Space (likes custard - girls take note)
SCB - Parkie (on his own hash!!???!!!?)
Late bastards - Motormouth and Toiletspray
Steroids - Bondi Barbie (accounts for the flat head!)
Parkor - Parkie (yea right - this man can't jump out of bed let alone go free running!)
Rhubarb hater (bitch! - English Ed) - Catch of the Day
8 hours a day on her back - Sticky Sex Toy (a girl has to earn a living!)
3 down downs for Shitler for being a Hopeless stand in and scribing
Oh yea - and one for the Hares!!
The Song was sung by the Hares and Sticky Sex Toy, Shitler, et al.