Tiu Keng Leng

LSW 1745 – Tiu King Ling to Yau Tong

Hares : Ninja Winja, Italian Hand Job and his brother Andrea.

The Run La Tour De France……… the international bicycle race is in its final week. It is a very competitive sport with highly tuned athletes and their machines. They are backed up by large support teams and medical facilities, international TV coverage and multiple sponsors with heavy cheque books.

The Little Sai Wan Hash……. the anonymous little group of drinkers that run once a week, with a mix of toned and well out of shape bodies. Their highly technically designed footwear is merely a front, disguising the true capability of these casual runners. LSWH3 has no medical backup, no financial backup, but this week the support team of Yummy Mummy and the Yummymobile were present to transport the bags to B.

Yes, it was a sprint stage in the LSW history books, with a mystery B, a number of visiting runners, and, remarkably, no rain with a typhoon signal “T3” looming over the territory. It wasn’t Bagnères-de-Luchon, but Tiu King Leng as the starting point for this week’s event.

The 17 or so runners greased their loins, they lubricated their palettes, they synchronized their GPS’s, and finally flexed their muscles as the flag dropped and away went the peloton.

Buttfan, sporting some new kind of latex vest (to reduce wind resistance?), went immediately to the front on an early breakaway. Our visitor from Taiwan, Carina, also known as Lara Crotch, took to Le Tour with unusual footwear – having only brought flip-flops with her for her 2 days visit of HK. Despite this seeming handicap, she ran like a demon possessed – keeping up with the pack and shadowing Freewheel all the way to the finish.

Flour and occasional chalk took the hashers on to Tseung Kwan O MTR station, around it, across the dual carriageway of King Ling Road and up the terracing to Po Lam Road South.

Here, mysteriously, two hashers appeared from nowhere as late arrivals Indy and Lost At Sea, primed with short cutting information, reeled in the peloton from their red jersey classification, to suddenly take up the yellow jersey positions.

The “race” then split, with the Wimps continuing along Po Lam Road, in the direction of Lam Tin, while the Rambos headed up to the old fortifications that overlook Junk Bay with Buttfan making an inglorious spectacle of herself trying to climb up an old drainpipe. Here Hopeless made his move for The Kings of The Hills classification, leading the way to the top on a lone breakaway.

He was reeled in by the field of runners as two Check Backs at the top meant the gap could be closed. But a breakaway was established again as Indy and Lost At Sea could not find the first flour going down into the valley, so Hopeless took over again.

Behind in the bunching peloton Bobbledick was gaining points in his bid for the Green classification – the sprints. He was closely followed by Inflato who was obviously pacing himself for the latter stages of the course.

The winding trail came out back onto the Wimps on Po Lam Road, and the joint course continued to the end of the road, and onto the broken trail contouring around above Tiu King Ling. A second Wimp/Rambo split saw Hopeless bid for the Polka Dot classification again, pulling along the rest of the field of Rambos up and onto the Wilson Trail.

Here the downhill skills of Inflato took over as he showed a burst of speed in an attempt to break the spirits of the trailing hashers. Well in front as he hit O King Road, and across it, but a misread of a flour mark saw Monsieur Enfler start back up the steps towards the cemetery above Lei Yue Mun, and off the marked course.

Finally the trail was found back down through the fence as the lead group of Messrs Enfler (Fellate-a-date), Pompon-Pénis-Vulgaire (Bobbledick) and Deséspere (Hopeless) headed down to the finish at Sam Ga Tsuen Recreation Ground, near Yau Tong, for a 70 minute time classification.

The rest of the field soon starting coming in, with F3M leading the women, shortly followed by Come In My Tunnel, Indy, Lost At Sea, HP Salsa, and the rest of the pack.

Final Classifications:
Yellow (maillot jaune )– Overall Leader – Enfler.
Green (maillot vert) – Sprints Leader – Pompon-Pénis-Vulgaire.
White with red dots (maillot à pois rouges) - The King of the Mountains - Deséspere.
Red (maillot rouge) – Final Finisher – Toilette-Aérosol.

The Down Downs by Indy, translated from indecipherable hieroglyphics by Bondi Barbie

The hares – Ninja Winja, Italian Hand Job and his brother, Andrea. An excellent and most enjoyable trail.

The weather… pissing it down again, so why wasn’t Inflato setting the trail?

Lost at Sea, spent all day bonking Lindsay Lohan

Cum in my Tunnel, surprise front runner with Elvis

Cum in my Tunnel, elbowed in the dick by Indy whilst attempting to pass her

H P Salsa, doing all the Rambos except for the scary bits

Latecomers, Lost at Sea and Indy, also Chatroom Paedophile who did the entire run without seeing a single human being

The FOOD. Bobbledick for ordering far more than the hash could possibly eat on last week’s run, and then making off with 20 doggy bags

Buttfan, a confirmed veggie, stealing everybody’s broccoli and also naked in the Free China

Visitors - Lara Crotch, from Taiwan, running in flip flops
Free Wheel from WH3

Virgins…… Anouk, from the North Pole, sister to Willy Wanker. Here for 2 weeks, already sleepwalking naked in Lan Kwai Fong

Non-runners; Yummy Mummy, driving whilst intoxicated from A to B

Toilet Spray, last back, lost in the hills, her absence noticed only by obsessive woman-watcher, Gary Glitter

Buttfan; on the first uphill section, overheard saying, I only start to look at what’s happening when my legs are in the air

Macao Drunk… that’s not hashing, it’s shagging

Bondi… explained that Gary Glitter is actually a Cockney rhyming slang for shitter

The Hares, not knowing how to spell ‘Carfull’

Also, the Hares for trying very hard to kill everyone with the trail crossing a narrow path over a 70 foot drop

Italian Hand Job, 25 runs. (And 3 harings)

The Song was sung by the Hares, with Bondi having made a discreet getaway.

Tiu Keng Leng 100721 6.89km 70min