LSW 1700 Saturday 26th September


Chuen Lung Village (off Route Twisk) to Sham Tseng

Hared by Hopeless & Nurse Fcuker

Hopeless & Filthy's photos

There is much excitement as we boarded the bus since it was quickly getting filled to the rafters with old and new members of various hashes - some of them flying in specially for the occasion. Nutcut from Switzerland and Crusader from Tokyo are fine examples.

There is a general consensus to leave 'on time' as the Hash Cash Bite n Suck seemed too nervous to disobey the Hares Hopeless and Nurse Fcuker who have given up a lot of weekends to produce a 'perfect' event of this magnitude. And of course, Motormouth was running late, and missed the bus, only to turn up at B later..

Not everyone knew that the excitement happened way before then - it is such a hush hush location, that Hopeless did not hesitate to distribute the special stash to a few, selected trustees - even as the said stash contains the run route information. Wow, did Nurse Fcuker have a fit when he found out! He threatened to boycott the run and jump off the cliff since his advice regarding this 'breach' was not sought by his co-hare. But his professionalism and dedication prevailed and he and Hopeless briefed the runners at the start on Route Twisk. There will be 3 splits - and if we get the maths right – there should be a total combination of 9 variations to this run depending on 'how you feel at the splits'. There will be 2 water points to compensate for the distance - between 11 and 16 kms. And everyone breathed a sigh of relief… especially Bite n Suck who got back on the bus to gp to the Family Walk.

The first part was of the Sham Tseng Full Mountain Marathon (KOTH) route. I dare not say it is a 'copy' because both the hares have never participated in this event and that any similarities were purely coincidental. Keith Noyes' permanent white arrows meant nothing to these two and we were happy to go thru the village with the tied up mongrels, the catchwater and the first split where the Wimps took their first opportunity to shortcut.

The rest of us, Ice Dancer included, decided to carry on this catchwater until we hit several virgin trails and the very steep Yuen Tsuen Ancient Trail with the lovely view of Tsing Ma bridge. It is why the race is called KOTH (King of the Hills) which separates fitness fanatics from mere mortals. How I wished it would be renamed 'Queen of the Catchwater' - as it gave me less discomfort on that flat section. It is so steep, it made Master Wanker lose his self confidence hence he decided to take the easy way out (Wimps) after spotting Smallbone at the 2nd split.

At the slope, I saw Gary Glitter and Nutcut slightly ahead - with the virgin Simon, veteran Cotton Bud from KH3 and the ultimate old timer BOF not too far behind. We gathered our first reward at the top with the well placed water point. NF has tested the strength of the stash by using it to carry 40 bottles - He was once put in a very precarious situation in one of the runs – and he did not want any of us to have the near death experience that he had a couple of months ago at Allergic to Pussy’s Trail from hell!

After which, we now emerged on the Half Marathon section (still unknowingly to the Hares) - with the undulating contour paths and the 2nd split - where I bravely took the 'R' as BOF was breathing down my neck. I tried to slow him down by doing a small talk about how old he is…. but he told me the truth (his age) and that gave me more incentive to pull further ahead.

We got tricked into an extra loop around the Maclehose Stage 9 where I caught up with Gary Glitter and Nutcut who helped me locate the 2nd water point bag. Then just before the last split, I saw Chatroom Pedophile walking exhaustingly from his mega 32K Team Green last night. I convinced him otherwise to do the last 'R' option since it involves more running than steps. "But I don't want to run anymore, Rowena" - he whined as he reluctantly followed my suggestion. So after 3 or more K's - we finally arrived at our destination in the Sham Tseng pavilion where Hannah Montana and the No. 1 front runner Ice Dancer were scratching their heads as to why it took us that long?

There was a rumour, though, that the alleged 'winner' skipped one of the Rambo options? [Not true – the Southsider denies!].

Down Downs by Indy/Hopeless/Nutcut (in random order)

The Hares – Most options for run routes, (9 plus the Family Walk) of any hash ever….. (Besides the Interhash naturally!) Great effort and planning….
Hares – Taking cue/clue from Keith Noyes
Ice Dancer – ‘Winner’ of the hash
Mr. Happy Slippers – his stash being used as ransom by the factory
The Bastard – Hopeless made 3 shirts in anticipation of a 3rd addition
Mel, Lydia, Simon – LSW Virgins
Randy Von Fokker – and what are we celebrating on this ‘special run’? Can someone remind me?…Drrrr…..
Full Mountain Marathoners – recognizing the route

Ruggero and The Bastard – both Rambo runners, but both dads, did the family walk and neither completed….. both turned around half way through and went back……
The Bastard – used to be a front running bastard, never calling on checks to ‘win’ the hash (Move over Ice Dancer!)…. now even he himself is tired of coming up with excuses for lack of fitness since recently becoming a dad of 2 ….

The LSW Families with Horrors – Macau Drunk and Barbie with Sholto, Inez & Lucia
The Bastard and Danamyte with Aidan and Brianna
Hicky Slut with Melamine Girl
Boilers and Rearend Scrubber with Sylvie… Great to see the families at the 1700…

Returnees – Catch of the Day from Morocco, Anal Acceptance, Anal Invitation, Master Wanker from Shanghai, Head Nurse…… wife of Nurse F, Community Chest (after all her injuries!), Kish, The Bastard, Danamyte…

Visitors – Twiglet, RS2H3…. Smallbone, Ice Dancer, Claudia
Smallbone – for not whinging
Crusader/Nut Cut – special Returnees
Sugarboy – extra special Returnee
Golden Balls – Visitor
Dr. Evil/Hickey Slut – for revealing the super secret Run Route on their advance stash
Bravefart – moving to the dark side (Lamma)
Bravefart – staying at the On On

‘Santa Claus’ Parky – was at each of the 2 drink stops (doing the Wimps trail) was there to tell the Rambos where the water was hidden…..
The Hares – for having the foresight to have water at the drink stops when most needed…..
Chatroom Paedophile – seeing ‘fresh meat’ on the run….. using the old excuse of ‘heart rate monitors are a real running necessity……’ to attempt to chat up Claudia before she zoomed off leaving him to eat dust……

Golden Balls - The Hasher responsible for getting Motormouth to the 1700 run-site after she missed the bus in Wanchai,…. AND he wasn’t even attending the 1700 run… (just out for a hike anywhere?)….Que?

Catch of the Day – for holding the court with the Southsiders about the value of Anal Bleaching….
Macau Drunk – for knowing what it meant…….

Ice Dancer – perving on the ‘babes’ as they showered and got changed……. Noted that one babe, Park N Shop, put her bra on before her ‘G-String’… "Why in that order", he salivated?……

DaHoodedClaw – Compared to the assembled LSW veterans, he is a ‘newbie’ LSW hasher but has makings of a great one…. went to the on-on-on as he didn't have anything till midday on Thursday. Chundered at 11:28am

Master Wanker – previously whilst in HK for a long long sabbatical from Shanghai talked about his understanding hash wife, who was ‘cool’ about the distance…… Having moved back to China, the shackles are now on…. ’HK for a ‘business’ trip? Why?’

The Hares – Excellent Hash Stash (and to Bite n Suck for having modelled it originally!)

Chatroom Paedophile – Hash names are meant to be on bags……. his bag had ‘Doug’

Hopeless – being PC….. decided that ‘Doug’ was more appropriate than advertising to the world that there was a paedophile on the hash….

Buttfaan – ‘showers’ in 5 ft drain with the promise that Mel the virgin would help her out! After endless screaming and no assistance, some other kind hasher pulled her out of her misery…. er… Chatroom?

Priscilla – on the run, confided in ‘Dave’ that he needs to do something to harden his arse….. it’s getting too sore these days……..

Twiglet – last FCH… redundant, miserable and thus potentially b/fless… now employed, kept b/f and can afford to come hashing again……. YEH!!!!!

Dave – After Bondi’s run 2 weeks ago, on the following Monday arvo, he was anxiously waiting for Ruggero to send out the LSW notes to read the goss…wondering why Ruggero was so unusually late in doing so…… until he remembered that it was he himself who had volunteered to do the write-up, even though it wasn’t his run…. Oooops!!

End of Down Downs

After much advancing and reversing of the very punctual bus, we all set off to the greasy Sham Tseng Goose restaurant for a wonderful On On of the famous roasted goose plus never ending table down downs that went crazier by the minute. It was so memorable – that one harriette lost a husband, and another lost her phone!

The bad news is…. The phone remained missing.

On On,
Hickey Slut

Here are more details regarding the ‘missing’ husband:

The Prodigal Parky…

As the truth emerged, we learned that the ‘lost’ husband (Parky) was last seen at the bus pick-up point by wifey Park n Shop, going into a nearby shop on The Holy Grail to find a well-deserved cigar (obviously the Southside influence!)…..Onto the bus she goes, oblivious to the fact that hubby was still on his mission………

In fact, she did not notice his absence from the bus until it was moving at rapid speed heading for the Highway, at which point she called out in a matter-of-fact way ‘Oh! Parky is not on the bus’….

Having done her 2 year sentence at a local school around those environs and hence knowing the area, Indy bounced off the bus in search of Parky ….not wanting the ex ICAC officer to be in lost in ‘Mafia Territory’!…..

Finding him was easy! (yes! Still in the cigar shop!)…. finding the bus again proved problematic….. It was hightailing itself back to the Safety of the Wanchai Lights! ’No worries,’ says Parky! We will just catch a taxi after I ring my adoring wife to tell her I am okay, cause she will be frantic with worry’… ’Hmmmm, I thought to myself’!…. Many attempted phone calls later, still no pick-up from the ‘frantic’ Park n Shop …

And at the OCH as we were all safely reunited, the ‘frantic’ wife could not help but say, ‘Indy, I had so much attention from all the guys worried about how I was feeling (notably Ice Dancer I would assume who was still trying to work out her order of ‘dressing’!!) that I was glad that Parky went to buy a cigar………

And as for Buttfaan losing her phone….. they too are easily replaceable …… As she also said philosophically, ‘I needed a new one anyway’…….

On On

The Hashers:

Chatroom Pedophile     Hickey Slut     Vittel     Nutcut     Priscilla     Barbie     Inez     Lucia     Chopper     Macau Drunk     Boilers     Rearend Scrubber     Sylvie     Head Nurse     Nursefcuker     Anal Invitation     Anal Acceptance     DeHoodedClaw     Ice Dancer     Smallbone     Mr. Happy Slippers     Hanna Montana     Hopeless     F3M     Gary Glitter     Butt Fan     Quiche     Lydia     Simon     BOF     Cotton Bud     Crusader     Bravefart     Mel     Indy     Park n Shop     Parky     Lost In Space     Twiglet     Motormouth     Dr Evil     Groper     Jackii     Little Pair     Claudia     Danamyte     Aiden     Brianna     The Bastard     Sugarboy     Bite n Suck     Virgin Mary     Community Chest     Pablo     Yummy Mummy     Randy Von Fokker     Master W@nker