On, on, you noblest English.
Well the patriotic English turned up in force for the Inaugural Saint George Day, so excited were they to celebrate their first LSW National Day Hash…… (forever? For a long time? Since the Scots took control of the Harerasing? since it was decided to celebrate the infamous Anzac Day Run after the day and not before as per past 3 years?)…. adorned with their English red, white and blues, and symbols to flaunt the British Empire……
There was Field Marshal Hopeless, the ½ English hare, in his 2 different English boxers, There was Queen Park’n Shop in her English dinner attire…. a lovely T-shirt with a sparkling flamboyant crown on the front, which she picked up in the Lanes for a mere $39… no expense spared to proclaim her loyalty to the Empire….. Princess Motormouth was wearing her diamante flag top, Prince Castrato had on his black Memorial T-shirt….. commemorating those who died in the battle for Liberte, Equalite, Fraternite?……oops… wrong battle, wrong country….. King Parky looked as regal as usual but donned a flag hat along with MM and Hopeless, and Vice-Regal Boilers?... the most English of the English displayed his loyalty by wearing…… er, can’t quite remember as we saw him for such a short time….
Then of course there were those who boycotted the run…. Princess Tightlips being fiercely Scottish… as a sign of protest against the English, but magnanimously put these ‘small’ differences aside and turned up for dinner….
As for the run itself? For all of you 400 LSW hashers, past and present….If you weren’t there cause you hate the English, had an Oasis ticket booked to get to the run, or for whatever reason, you don’t need to feel left out! Nuse F*****r, has reincarnated the Saint Georges Day run for you on video tape…… What else do you do when you have the rare privilege of being a House Hubby??? So sit back and enjoy Hopeless’s Magical Mystery Hash…… in celebration of Saint George’s Day……
Inspired by the Step Count, and having no desire to write up a run report….
Produced by Nurse F*****r
WELL DONE NF…..the route
Now who is going to video the ANZAC Run? Lost In Space? Down Downs by Indy..
The Hare – for setting the Saint Georges Day Run…… even though only half his ‘limbs were made in England’…….. whilst crying ‘On, On,’ ‘God for Harry, England, and Saint George….….
The English – Those who were expected to ‘be copy to men of grosser blood, And teach them how to war’….... Park’n Shop, Parky, Castrato, Motormouth, ½ Hopeless, and Boilers (who made a late appearance on the battlefield, then partook of the grub, and once partaken, lost the ‘noble lustre in (his) eyes’ for England….. and retreated! )
Field Marshal Hopeless – Being ‘noblest (half) English’, was decidedly unsure of the logistics of this battlefield…. where in the past ‘Fathers like Alexanders, have in these parts from morn till even fought’…. so he went out and bought a survey map…. a much simpler way to reccy the battlefield….
Prince Castrato - Before the battle was ‘standing like a greyhound in the slips, straining upon the start’…. so anxious was he to show that he was ‘worth…. (his pedigree English) breeding.’ Not for him were any false trails leading to Checkbacks!… he ‘followed his spirit’….. and the true trail from the beginning… (shortcutting bastard!), leading the way for the pure English, (see above!) but refusing to call ‘On On’ to those ‘whose limbs were not made in England!’
Nurse F*****r – had fought his own battle against the dragon last week whilst on real Anzac Day reccy (not survey map reccy), sending the picture of the offending Puff to moi…… all I saw was a 6 inch stick and wondered what the Anzacs were coming too…… then again he is a kiwi…….
Nurse F****r – at beginning of run walks over to yours truly and says ‘No, Indy, No!’….. Having no idea what he was talking about, I just put it down to the fact he was a mad kiwi!….. Ha Ha… Not so mad…… see attached link above….. proving that the ‘pen is not always as mighty ……..’ Well Done NF
Chatroom Paedophile…. scintillating pre-run convo about a jaw ache leading to suspected brain problem (no one was acting surprised at that one!)….. to MRI scan to viral infection!~ His convos re molesting young girls used to be far more interesting……
Queen Park’n shop – Later in the showers as all stood around, she attested to the fact that these viral afflictions can lead to worms coming out of your nose!……. Charming images…. I prefer the Dragon convo muself…the one about the 6 inch stick!
Neil – our Scottish LSW virgin but not a virgin to hashing! Says over the dinner table….’ This English Hash had all these funny arrows on the trees……. they pointed upwards telling you to go up them and not around………..’
Neil – Mad Scot… He did follow the arrows up the trees……..
Queen Park’n Shop – name dropping in the showers, as she deliberately dropped her undie label ‘Calvin Klein’ on the ground for all to see! Then sneered at the girls standing around whose underwear and bums were so small they could fit into ½ a handerchief….. Chocolate Starfish/ Happy Valley….. (I was there too but no such comment was passed in my direction….Hmm..Thanks!)
Saint Georges Day Virgins – Community Chest, Neil, Hajime
Winnie/Anal Comer – seen twice on trail ‘tip toeing through the tulips’…. started 20 mins ahead of the pack, so they could have a leisurely wander rather than being in the middle of the battlefield…. So much for the English enemies? Why fear?
Lost In Space….. Got lost early on in the battle…… but then he is a Mexican…..
King Parky – one of the ‘noblest English’……. wimped out and did the wimps……
Neil – Sat there at dinner with no drink in front of him…….. ’Wanna beer?’ I asked. ‘No thanks! It’s Wednesday night.’ ‘So? It’s Wed hash. Why don’t you want a drink?’…..’ When I was in India working, I couldn’t drink in the evenings as was on night shift, so will take a while to get used to drinking on Wed night’……. Well I guess a million DD’s for him will sort him out… a very quick learning curve!
Neil – Queen Park’n Shop commented to Neil that he didn’t have a Scottish accent…… his reply…. ’I am one of the educated ones!’…. Hmm….. this boy is going to get used to drinking again on Wed night pretty quickly….
Piss Perfect – Bad example to Neil…… Got a softie at the On On….
Bite and Suck – Sorry ! Can’t remember why I gave that one……
Chocolate Starfish – Back at the infamous showers….. Park’n Shop having convo with her….. every answer being… ’REALLY?’, and guess what her reply to that charge was….. ’OKAY!’
Princess Tightlips – Non Runner
Princess Motormouth – returning to HK after 40 days of being in the Aussie Wilderness….
Princess MM, King Parky, Field Marshall Hopeless…. matching flag hats….
Anniversaries: King Parky for 450 runs…… watch this space for follow-up charge in next week’s newsletter!) To celebrate King ‘Parky’s remarkable 450 runs’, Hopeless organized for the King to finally get oral satisfaction!! Yes, apple strudel and custard!!