LSW Trash for run no. 1578

Sometimes you’re the pigeon, and sometimes you’re the statue.

Early arrivals at the A were surprised to discover a disconsolate-looking hare, clutching two bags of flour, cowering underneath the subway near Clearwater Bay University. Her crestfallen features told the whole story as she gazed pleadingly up at the stern-faced hashers.

Apparently Tight Lips had run the area a month ago… a Gunpowder Plod extravaganza for a lesser hash, WH3… under more favourable conditions. In other words, daylight. She’d checked the map, and yes, there were trails galore.

Read her lips….. Cancel the previously arranged joint run with N2TH3. Leave it to the last minute. No need to recce, obviously! So it should be a breeze, then, huh, Tight Lips?

Er….. no. She got lost, and then it got dark.

Then there was the call to Indy – "I’m afraid it hasn’t worked out. There’s no run."

Well, we could all run along the road to Sai Kung, couldn’t we. Yes?

Er…… no.

As luck would have it, a guardian angel was in place in the somewhat unlikely form of Gunpowder Plod. Muttering curses to himself as he sprinted athletically from the subway, he undertook to provide a live hare run over the hills as far as the main road at Tin Wai, from where the LSWH3 could catch a taxi, minibus, or any other vehicle prepared to accept their sweaty, fragrant bodies. Piss Perfect volunteered to go along as his Flour Bitch.

The trail surged straight up onto the hillside via a few graves and open checks, but at the first sign of jungly shiggy with tangled overhead vegetation Brazilian Buttslap threw a wobbly, and decided that discretion was the better part of valour. She’s never been a veggie anyway. She left with her tail between her legs to run along the road, together with Any Dick Will Do (except Dick the Shit) who said she wanted to stretch her legs. Well, Procrustes could have arranged that. If only she’d said earlier…

After a period of sustained grovelling on slippery shiggy around the tops of the hills, with lovely views over a misty Hebe Haven, the pack found itself back on the road. Notable amongst the hashers were Dr Evil, whose desire to look increasingly competitive knows no bounds, and stalwarts Macao Drunk and Big Ears. Castrato looked lovely, Priscilla and Indy were content to bring up the rear mate, whilst Bondi Barbie fell arse over tit about ten times with Strap-on Sally’s miniscule torch (his own new one had given up the ghost after ten seconds of the run). A surprising number of hashers decided to run the entire way to Sai Kung, where cold beer awaited them at Pong Square. Great Chinese food was to be had at a small al-fresco dive before the circle. Plod berated the hash for not following trail (really?) up Po Lo Che Road, where he had nipped into his house to grab a lift from Mrs. Plod. And no, Mallory didn’t make it to the top of Everest, Plod… the hares ran out of flour at the Second Step.


Down Downs conducted by Indy…

Tight Lips – failed to set a hash. A LSW first. No recce except for a brief scan of a map.

Tight Lips – Fortunately Gunpowder Plod and Piss Perfect (hence referred to as GP/PP) stepped up to the mark

GP/PP – live hares…unusual for the LSWH3

GP/PP – put us in places where there were no places (eloquence from Indy)

GP’s dog – Smallbone’s Bitch was the real hare, GP/PP just laid path where she went

Big Ears – falling into holes so deep that even the pinnate lobes of his antlers couldn’t be seen

Priscilla – losing fitness – blames fatherhood/ old age/ lack of sex with humans

Indy – stayed with Priscilla so he wouldn’t die on the run mate

Any Dick will Do – quote: "I was having nothing to do with this extreme shiggy live hare run" so she buggered off to do 8.5 km all the way to Sai Kung

Any Dick will Do – Unfortunately for her regulation and social standing last week, Dr. Evil had mistaken Indy for ADWD. (?????)

Strap on and Hicky Slut – arrived one hour early for the run. How organized they were! But then they asked for directions to the run start as had not brought directions/ map – bollucks how organized! (Editor’s note; bollucks…add to Microsoft dictionary)

The hare – Had not brought a map/ directions to set her own run. Totally disorganized

Priscilla – 5km remained after the shiggy into Sai Kung to finish the run. Time so far was 56 mins – Says to Indy "We’ll just run for 4 more minutes to bring us to the hour. The 4 minute man!

GP – did not finish all of his own run! Got wife to pick him up at one point and let Piss Perfect lay trail

Bondi Barbie – Falling over continuously on the run/ blames his son’s shoes, as smooth underneath as Big Ears’ chin. Still, he’s wearing them for the first time (although pretty filthy and rank in reality). He had his next beer out of them!

Ditchbitch (Tim) – otherwise known as Mr. Renaissance, brought all toiletries/ towel from Lane Crawford for his ‘Clean up"

Ditchbitch – new shoes. Ditch bitch took it like a man and then wiped the spillage off with the Renaissance towel

Dr. Evil – Gunpowder Plod’s dog had got into his bag, and having sniffed around to find out what was most interesting, ran off with Dr. Evil’s undies (he claimed they were fresh boxer shorts!)

David – is in the porn industry. He says SOFTWARE, when he means HARDWARE

Macau Drunk – Same hash shirt 2 weeks in a row

Castrato – For being a nice guy/ sensitive/ caring/ thoughtful – all those non-hash qualities

Priscilla/ Hicky Slut – both coming from KL on the same flight à Priscilla in Business class à Hicky Slut in economy class – Priscilla says, " I’ll see if I can get you upgraded!!" Did he ?? Did he f@ck!

Piss Perfect – Stepping up as Flour Bitch will still not get you put on the record sheets as haring another run!!

The hare – whatever happened to the planned joint run with N2TH3 this week?

The hare – having declined the offer to do a joint run, you cannot decline to set your own run!!

From the N2TH3 forums here and here


On on, Bondi Barbie


Next Week’s Run

American Independence Day.

Hares: Chatroom Paedophile and Winabago.

A to A starting at Discovery Bay beach

Take dbay ferry from Central ferry pier departing at 6:25pm or 6:40pm for 7:15pm start.

If you miss the boat and arrive late, you can always do the short run.

Follow chalk to the start at the beach.

Torches are essential! Bring your swimsuit for a dip in the ocean following a tough run. There are showers available at the beach as well.

On on will be western style BBQ overlooking the beach at Hemmingway's. Yum Yum!!