Run 1574

Hares Dr.Evil & Brazilian Buttslap

The hardcore hashers arrived at a playground along from Tai Koo MTR by the allotted time and the remaining bunch slowly drifted in for the start around 7.15.pm

Judging by the introduction given by Dr. Evil which went on for a long time and a nervous looking co-hare we anticipated that we were probably going to be sent out on a long hash. No, it wasn’t a long hash it was a very, very, very, long hash and that was just the wimps loop.

While there are always the odd one or two hashers that like the very, very, very, long runs and the Free China is their cup of tea in this weather just either side of the hour is probably enough and maybe a bit less for the wimps. So who from Little Sai Wan is going to take up the mantle to set the longest Wednesday run? Lecture over and of course there are no rules……

On On with the hash. It all started well enough with a cheeky first check at the top the hill not long after the start. It kept the pack scrambling around for some 10 minutes until someone found the way out back to a metal walkway and from memory under a low bridge, across a sewer, up a slippery bank, over a fence, up through some closely packed woods and then up the side of river bank. The pack was being held together well at this point and with little clue that this hash was just about to get going on the long route to the Wimps/Rambo split which would be discovered about an hour after the start.

Lots of interesting routes up and through shiggy with the help of ropes on the really steep sections but the next bit, until the split after a long stretch down a made up road, is all a bit hazy.

Rambos headed up and then up and then up more passing a woman washing her underwear in a stream and onto the top of Mount Butler (not sure if this is correct). Down a road which from memory had several cyclists coming in the other direction and their front lights confused as you assumed it was one of the hashers coming back after a false trail or check back. Finally down Sir Cecil’s Ride and onto the back of Braemar Hill and now it was likely to be a level run and possibly down to the restaurants at the top of the Braemar Hill Road or at worst the Vietnamese in North Point.

On and on the level run but by this time most hashers were running out of steam apart from Sweaty who was checking out ahead. Finally we started heading down lots and lots and lots of steps into the back of North Point and as suspected to a playground not far from the Vietnamese restaurant. But no, it was on past the first playground, then the next, and the next….. until we hit Quarry Bay MTR.

On across several parks and finally to B which was in Tai Koo just along the road from A. First back was just under 2 hours and last just over 3 hours – by which time most of the group had recovered and headed over to the Pizza Express restaurant opposite and Down Downs that finished just before midnight..

Thanks to the hares for all the hard work in setting such a challenging and interesting if somewhat long long long hash.

This was prepared on the instructions of Indy as Dr Doom had not made it to take his own notes. Apparently he was going round Wanchai telling all the girls not to mention that he frequents their bars if they get questioned by his son on his next visit.

Thermal Dick

Down downs by Indy

Flouting longstanding rules about no speeches on the hash, no sooner had Indy taken the floor than she launched into a tirade about her arm that was apparently so badly mangled in a drinking accident several weeks ago, it looks like that of a thalidomide baby.

She spoke as though this was news to people, like they hadn’t heard the story about a thousand times before (Along with Wanchai Wanker, she is one of the main culprits turning the Little Sai Wan hash into the Little Sigh Whingers hash).

Just as the on on started looking a little like the Jonestown massacre, with bodies strewn everywhere, insensate with boredom, the novel idea occurred to her that she might give someone a down down.

First cab off the rank were a number of the hashers who, possibly as a result of their advancing years, were carrying injuries and formed part of the MRI brigade, including Bobbledick, Thermal Dick, Parky (may be there soon!) and Park N’Shop (narrowly escaped).

Rearender…another recent hospital victim……for having vein not vain surgery.

Bite and Suck…….the story was told that she suffered a debilitating injury/sickness/headspin on the run……apparently cured by salt tablets administered at the time….and of course BB’s remedy for all ailments…more beer!

Sweaty Snailgobbler was approached to do down downs but declined, saying he still had some chest congestion and his forehead was a little tepid to the touch. He was undergoing yet another Elvis style course of prescribed medication, leading one amateur physician to diagnose his condition as a mild case of girly fever. That Sweaty springs from the same stock as Braveheart, Rob Roy and Sean Connery is probably reflective of the parlous state of Scottish manhood today and the country being a bunch of forelock tugging minions to their English overlords.

The hares Dr Evil and Brazilian Buttslap estimated the wimps run to be about an hour and the rambos about a half hour longer. About an hour and a half later the wimps limped in, shells of their former selves in the energy sapping heat and humidity. Get a watch!

Winnebago, Lost in Space, Dave (see later!) and James for arriving late back from the rambos…… .Winnie denied this and said that she came in with Dave…….er…..he came in after 2 hours!!! …..another DD to Winnie for the diagnosis of amnesia coupled with ‘foot in mouth’ disease!

Big Ears (Grant) loved the run………..No problems staying on trail for him and finishing in good time! Took umbrage at anyone complaining about the chalk markings/length……obviously this hasher ain’t part of the new breed of LSW whingers….!!!

Nose Vibrator (or Vibrating Nose according to Indy, draining her 15th can for the night) a returnee along with The Bastard, Thermal Dick, James and Esther…..

The Bastard….returning cause Esther and Lora rang him to convince him it was safe to …..

Carrying injuries sustained in the Crimean War, Parky waited patiently for latecomers. Indy arrived in her usual state of disarray, forcing Parky to dress her (a task he struggled with he said, being used to only undressing females), tie her shoes, tighten her belt and get her water. He vowed never to wait for anyone again.

Dave the American (it’s all his fault) has warmed to the Little Sigh Whingers hash and has never completed a run without complaining about what crap courses they were. Are we sure he’s not English?

Indy then launched into a dissertation about how Dave, until his recent trip to run the Great Wall marathon – ironically, he enjoyed it – had a 100% attendance record on the hash. At the same time, Indy, who’d long since lost count of the hashes she participated in had a relatively ordinary attendance record……….. this produced more Jonestown style scenes as people swooned en masse in the face of this relentless tedium.

The hares for setting a run with spiders webs on it……according to Bondi…..(didn’t he come up with that charge last week!)

On a recent hash a pair of runners was left behind by Rearender. Indy tried them on but they were too small, resulting in her urging people who leave stuff behind on the hash to consider the needs of people wanting to snaffle such items and make sure they’re the right size.

Bondi Barbie has given away his scribe duties on the Wanchai hash, leaving him plenty of time to trawl websites dedicated to titties and bare naked ladies generally.

(For those unaware, Bondi Barbie is an anaesthetist by day and is one of the few in Hong Kong to have mastered the technique of putting patients to sleep simply with the power of speech)

Sweaty for some crap down down suggestion about getting American portions and eating like Japanese (apparently this is wacky catering humour). He used the opportunity to wash another handful of pills down (NB – as another concession to his supposedly failing health, Sweaty is off the turps and was deftly substituting down downs with glasses of water. Robbie Burns would have turned in his grave)

Brazilian Buttslap /Chris (virgin hasher) – Anyone seen my workmate, says BB –? Good running pedigree/trailwalker …..he comes in half way through dinner….’Tougher than Trailwalker!’ he espouses….. Will we see him again???

Roy………………. flouting bright Hash shirt….few others to be seen, as the rest are in their daggiest T’s (Thermal Dick!) or dressed up to pick up……oh FFFM wasn’t there…..

Maggie making her mark, quote from recent hash!………. All I want is a little Respect!

Thermal Dick is giving up his job as architect to take on Hash Haberdashery! He contacted Indy last week to ask who does the hash skirts in S’pore as he had bought one a few years back and someone in UK wants the contact to get them done for a European Nash Hash!

Piss Perfect thinks he’s some sort of doctor.

Indy had to stop proceedings several times as Motormouth’s incessant chatter made it difficult to be heard. It soon became evident that she wasn’t so much chatting as babbling incoherently to noone in particular. Rizwan, sitting next to her, would have slapped her to bring her to her senses but realised she seemed to have no senses to be brought to. But he slapped her anyway - just for fun. And she thoroughly enjoyed it, judging by her body language that seemed to be saying take me big boy.

Parky and Park ‘N Shop lead exciting lives in Disco Bay these days – not! So it was a big day when they ventured to Hong Kong island last weekend to attend a comedy talent show. They went to Sweaty’s restaurant later (La Terrace – the finest continental cuisine group bookings welcome) and did their best to look enthusiastic about the show but failed miserably.

Thermal Dick and Tight Lips were out on the piss recently and also stumbled into Sweaty’s where they stayed. And stayed. And stayed. Until both were so affected by drink (Indy was under a table somewhere) they suffered complete memory loss. They discussed an upcoming hash in detail and neither could remember a thing about the conversation. In fact, Tight Lips couldn’t even remember why she was getting a down down.

Macau Drunk was again absent (his attendance figures are plummeting much to Indy’s delight) however, it’s suspected Castrato’s handiwork may have been to blame, spending a night recently keeping Macau Drunk drunk…..the truth however did emerge that he is one of that strange breed who has friends to see outside the hash…..

Rizwan has emerged as the resident hash impregnator. Apparently he produces reproductive fluids so potent they never fail to impregnate any lucky recipient. In fact, he doesn’t like to draw attention to it, but he has the most highly motile sperm ever recorded. He discovered this rare talent during a family outing to the beach in the UK while still a lad. In the shallows his bathers were a little uncomfortable and needed a little adjusting. Actually a lot of adjusting as it turned out, resulting in a rather embarrassing accidental emission. Bathers around him assumed there’d been some sort of oil spill as the strange slick spread along the beach. It wasn’t till several days later that the slick had spread as far as Calais, producing the first successful crossing of the English channel by human sperm.

Thus, Rizwan has not returned to the hash to work on his fitness. Rather he is about to tackle the first spermatic double crossing of the channel and requires several training partners to get his downstairs department into peak condition. He is using the on on to recruit suitable candidates and is still conducting interviews should anyone be interested.

Thus far Motormouth is the only confirmed acceptor. However, as has been well documented, Rizwan likes them young, which would normally have automatically disqualified Motormouth. But, courtesy of the slapping incident, Rizwan is reconsidering because, now that he knows Motormouth likes it rough, he’s thinking this might be a great way to replicate the often turbulent seas in the channel, and provide excellent conditioning training.

Meanwhile Indy is hoping her thalidomide arm will require surgery, giving her the opportunity to eschew Bondi Barbie’s speech anaesthetics and opt for her preferred pain killer Bundy OP administered by a drip directly into an artery or, preferably, eyeball.

(For genetically challenged non-Australians Bundy OP is an overproof rum known to have put hair on the chest of marble statues)

Piss Perfect

Next run 1575 - Wednesday 6^th June, 7pm

Cornwall St. Children’s Playground

Kowloon Tong MTR exit A2

Turn left (east) out of exit A2

Walk along Suffolk Rd. towards Waterloo Rd.

Turn left into Waterloo Rd. and continue north for two blocks to Cornwall St.

Turn left into Cornwall St. and the playground on the left hand side.

On on Kings Arms

Hare Dr. Doom