The Nursery Run

6.55 pm on a cool misty evening and slowly a group began to coagulate at the sitting out area just above the Shell Garage on Wong Nai Chung Gap Road. Suddenly out of the mist an apparition appeared looking remarkably like Max Wall but with an even weirder voice. We were saved, Maggie had arrived; meanwhile garbled messages were coming though - something about our favourite Belgian - fences and being stuck in a Nursery. Eventually the call was made by Macau Drunk - DO NOT FOLLOW THE RAMBO's; follow the wimps to the top of Violent Hill to where the trail stops then whoever is in front will set the rest. We all trudged over the road and dumped our bags in a taxi (making the driver's night) then took them all out again (really making the driver's night) then stopped the taxi from driving off (as Kiss My Willy went through another of her "where's my bag" episodes) when Randy Van Focker phoned again to say he'd escaped and would join Maggie at the start.

So at about 7.20 we finally set off straight up the hill towards Park View. At the foot of the steps upto Violent Hill was the split - here despite Macau Drunk's clear and concise instructions and Kamikaze telling them that we were not supposed to do the Rambos; Nutcut, Indy and Kiss My Willy decided they knew better and headed off onto the Rambos never to be seen again during the run. The rest of the pack wound its way slowly but surely up the hill into the fog with Sweaty Snailgobblers strange mating calls leading the way. From the top of Violent Hill it was straight down all the way to the catchwater at the foot of the twins. Here was the second breakout with Kish deciding that the run really went over the Twins and off he went despite there being a single arrow right at the bottom and no markings until he hit Stanley. The rest of us followed the catchwater round to the steps down onto Repulse Bay Road then crossed over to the long path running down to South Bay Road. Hitting South Bay Road the run went left but most people went right and ended up in Repulse Bay before deciding that maybe left was a good idea. It was a long trawl back and onwards to South Bay Beach where Maggie was sitting guarding the bags. Randy Van Focker sensibly was hiding in the showers.

People slowly trickled in with half the hash arriving in taxis from various locations. Eventually the pack reformed hovering over the bags of beer and even the four Musketeers appeared climbing out of a taxi (somehow they had picked up Bobbledick) spitting chips. Indy insisted that even though it had taken them 90 minutes of fighting through jungle and actually never being more than 100m from Parkview that she really wanted to then go off and do the run. Randy Van Focker fessed up to having recc'd the run on Sunday but whilst setting the run during the afternoon had decided it was a little difficult; so decided to make it easier by taking another path which eventually just disappeared and left him stranded the wrong side of a large fence which he managed to get over but couldn't get out; this being about the time we were all set for the off. All in all despite the obvious handicaps of being completely gormless when it comes to setting runs and having Maggie as his able assistant it turned out OK - the best bit of the run was seeing Kiss my Willy's face as she finally got to B….. The On On was a little open air BBQ restaurant on top of the changing rooms where much salad and cremated beast and fowl was eaten. Beer was cold and delivered quickly and food hit the tables within 5 minutes of sitting down - please note David B - the run can be a complete disaster but all is forgiven if the On On works well.

Sweaty Snail Gobbler with Cheesy Clit as the beer wallah dished out the dirt as follows -

The Hares - Randy Van Focker; Motormouth and Sweaty Snail Gobbler

The Hares - environmental terrorists - abandoning full bags of flour on the trail (thankfully)

Indy; Kiss my Willy; Nutcut and Bobbledick - don't do the rambos as RVF cannot get out of the nursery.

Kish - complete plonker - open check at bottom of the Twins and goes right over the top blaming SSG all the way.

RVF - having a bad day stuck in the shaggy, Maggie as co-hare finally relaxed for dinner and falls through seat

Park'n'shop - walks into the mens changing rooms has a good look before leaving.

Parky - Liverpools answer to the galloping gourmet HP, tomato sauce, mayo and mustard on his burger

Returnees - Esoteric; Stephen

Winnebago - heaving breathing on the hash

Kish - religious beliefs don't allow him to eat steak but beefburgers are OK.

Indy & Nutcut - doing the rumble in the jungle and both their torches run out at exactly the same time. Both got back covered in mud and grime.

Strider - visitor and birthday girl

Kiss my Willy - used to be known as Bobbledick Scratch my Arse also came back covered in mud with Bobbledick

Frank the Plank - brings his son on the hash and introduces him as his brother whilst his son introduces Frank as his Grandad.

Macau Drunk - seen sprinting away from the Middle Bay Beach gay section and racing Shergar home.

Shergar - not going home as requested by his heavily pregnant partner as there were no taxis available….

Frank the Plank - wanting to know where Indy was really from as all the Australians he knows were not actually from Australia.

Indy and Motormouth - cat fight about a missing jacket

Nutcut - can't get the staff these days….

Hash song was painfully sung by the foolish rambos and the hares. Then it was time to run away and try and get taxis home.