LSW 1750 Anniversary Run Junk Trip, Wednesday 25th August
Hares: The friendly pirates - Admiral (good bloke) Hopeless and Master(bates) Boilers
Forty something keen souls and half a dozen bitches congregated at the Aberdeen Boat Club for the anniversary run under strict instructions of 'don't be late'. But being late wasn't what was on everyone's mind. Let's go back 367 days when the same group were all standing around in similar circumstances waiting for that same boat, only for the boat not to arrive. A pack of more deflated hashers you have never seen. So you can imagine the frenzy of excitement when the 60 foot 1,200hp twin turbo corporate shagging palace cruised up to the docks beckoning us aboard. Coowee, Boilers, you have made it.
This run had all the hallmarks of a military operation: timing down the split second, advance warnings of the operation over the previous two months, customised uniforms for the occasion and specially prepared maps, which if you were caught, could be ingested. Yahoo!
Our destination Po Toi - the two run island.
After setting sail we were briefed on the details of the nights adventure - a quiz run, which involved teams running the same route without an markings, answering different questions and with no apparent rules of how to win. You cannot be serious! After a lot of horse trading- no one wanted MM or WW, the challenge began !
What happened over the next 90 minutes and 5.86km of rocky outcrops, undulating paths, moon light skies and mountain ridges no one really knows - some teams stayed together, some fell apart, others split, some got lost and there was a lot of yelling but eventually everyone made it back to the boat- even the Virgin Mary.
The outstanding achievers were the K9's who if it wasn't for their over bearing and insecure owners would have teamed up and won the event hands (paws) down.
On to the ON ON at the world renowned Po Toi strip where bookings are essential and the food just keeps coming and coming and coming !
Admiral Good Bloke Hopeless took to the helm and announced that Team 1 and 5 were the winners but no one knew exactly why. But stashes of chocolates gold coins were being thrown about so no one was complaining. Ha!..beer and chocolate. Yum!
ON ON ON to the love boat where FFM administered the downs downs on the high seas:
Hopeless - setting a unique hash without chalk or flour
Hopeless spending all night, instead of doing the normal things in bed, thinking about 5 sets of questions at each point
Priscilla the new hash ama, sat on the beers so he can serve the beers
Taxi - sent off her twins to school in the UK so now she can party till the early hours.
Gemma - how old do you think she is - someone said 30, she's only 19
What was 20 years ago was Captain Pugwash - who remembers the tune? Bondi Barbie
Prince - lives near M/c but doesn't support City or Utd
Jalapeno crisps whole box are huge but Fast Pussy eats the whole lot.
Denver Ho's performing dog - sit, beg, hi-5, roll over.
Now Priscilla's turn - all the above, plus lick the old cajones
Inflatatade's and Yummy's maids are fasting at the moment because of Ramadam, but they are still made to run a 10k run - HTFU says Inflato
Inflatadate decided to do Keith's run instead of MM's run
Denver Ho - lost property, horn
Sticky Sex Toy - went off to see Hannah Montana now shattered - we wonder why….
Old Sock - putting on his special toed shoes
Mr. Happy Slippers - happy because his wife has gone away for 3 days so he'll be out till the early hours with Taxi
Gary Glitter abusing the kids making them commute to school - it used to take them 3 hours there and back
HP Salsa, Gary Glitter and Mr. Happy Slippers - like old ladies at a shop comparing material and washing cycles
Virgin Mary - Aloe vera cream award
Thermal Dick, being a typical Scottish man and taking all the money that was suppose to be trail
Mr Parky as P'n'S is going out with another man
Swine Sucker family - who did the Rambos and who did the wimps ?
von Fokker - use to be a Rambo now a Wimp
Full moon tonight - watch out for the vampires - they clearly got Bondi Barbie, check out his scar on his neck and Bondi Barbie can now turn his head 360 degrees
Catch of the Day - was going to get the public transport - well you'll need to have left at 2 pm
Piss Perfect - Croatia, KL and London holiday - more holidays than work since March
Thermal Dick - officially Dead Fucking Last at the ABC
Crème Brule - lost phone no she declares just broken
Crème Brule, Free Wheel and Mrs FW sneaked off in through the ABC club and onto the boat without going through Herr Mein Fuhrer Capt Hopeless
Catch of the Day wouldn't move from the back of the boat to meet her team mates
Tight Clit - telling her team that as the designated Wimp they all had to wait for her and Chokko
Gary Glitter and Castrato - cheating - wanted a photocopy of the answers
Boilers for not having a full office on board JSM's junk.
Boilers and the boat - so 2 months ago Hopeless asked how many is the boat insured for, 35 says Boilers - an insurance litigation lawyer from one of the largest law firms in the world. Ok then, invitations were sent acceptances received, so we get on board and lo and behold we're only insured for 25 people. Which 10 are willing to jump off and swim?
Buttfan complaining about the old gits in her team but led by a babe!
Can all the Royals please stand up - Prince William and Lord Gemma
Returnees Mr. Happy Slippers, Old Sock & Randy von Fokker
The Veggies selfishly eating their 2 course in front of the carnivores because their 9 courses hadn't arrived yet.
Tight Clit . Motormouth - good team players or clever players - both went up the hill 100 yards, then back to the restaurant, asked them where Mo's house was, got the gift then went back to the boat to line up the beers
Velma the one and only Virgin
Wanchai Wanker - not normally shy. Couldn't pick a beer out of the fridge.
All the dog owners
Gemma - only 19 and so clearly 20 years they stopped making ring pulls as she hadn't a clue what to do with it
Hopeless - all the t-shirts come with washing instructions so you don't wash the logo out - remember everyone COLD wash
Hopeless is great at washing so if you have any issues with cold washing then pass your shirts to him
Finally Hopeless - I have inside info on the colour of a Thursday night lesser hash t-shirt and think this cap bought all the way from NY will match it perfectly and while he's over at the Shekou Hash in China this weekend. American coffee to wake him up and get him back for bring out the pink baseball cap
Gemma naming - "Prince's Pussy" in the name of The Carlsberg, The Heinekin, Tsing Tao, etc